I am determined not to moan about my situation, and it is going well but there is something that gets my goat, and I think I am not alone in this. Whether you are able or not, how many of us have tried to rush to the knock at the front door only to get there and find there is no sign of the caller just a card telling you to collect your parcel from any time after either 6,12, or in my case today 24 hours later!
As you have probably worked out from my blog I am very much a tortoise not a hare at the moment, and this morning this happened. Despite me yelling at the post man to hold on I was on my way. So now I am left with the mission of getting some one to drive me to the local depot which has NO parking anywhere near, hopping the 1/4 mile walk to go and collect my parcel. The card says some one else can sign for it if they fill in the bit on the card (there is no bit on the card for them to fill in). Before any one says anything, yes I did phone them to be told nothing anyone can do as the depot wasn't answering the phone.
So I commandeered my mother come chauffeur to drive me to the depot, as suspected no where local to park so a major hop to the depot from car. By the way if you are a driver and you are faced with a person crossing the road on crutches don't yell hurry up at us, it does nothing to speed us up, but can cause us to fall over. I eventually got there only to be told they have no idea where it is, and I either have to come back probably Friday or request a re delivery for Friday. Now I paid for special delivery for something to arrive by 1pm today, not for it to do a tour of the borough and apparently I now found out sit in vans outside postman's houses overnight. Privatisation has done nothing for this countries postal service. Anyway after tears of frustration, they caved in and will deliver it between 1-3 tomorrow. But this whole days upset could have been stopped if the post man had waited 2 or 3 minutes for me to get to the door.
As I pointed out to everyone, I am young enough and lucky enough to have people to help me go through all this scenario, but if you are an older person or even frailer, how are you meant to sprint to the door to prevent this stupidity. That said I have seen and been subject to the same impatience via the bus service, the tube network even in shopping queues. The lack of patience and need for speed in this day and age is ridiculous. I am not saying you have to be frail or ill to be a victim of this either, it happens to the most able of us, and we are all quick to whine when it happens to us, but are we as patience the other way round. I know I have pulled husband into check this week when he moaned about someone walking slowly in front of us. I nearly fell about laughing to be honest as I am not race horse at the moment and we could never have done an overtake with me anyway. But he was frustrated because that option was removed from consideration. Whats with this need for speed, sure its fun on a track or similar but in day to day life, I tend to take it as it comes, jobs that don't get done one day can be done the next, the world won't cease to spin on is axis if the washing doesn't all get done.
I always remember being told patience is a virtue, to which I use to be reply and virtue is a saint which I am not, but as an adult it is maybe not a virtue by a well overlooked quality. I so wish it was a skill taught at schools and in driving lessons, because they are the worse culprits in my opinion. If there was more patience on the roads there would be less accidents, and the same with school children and crossing roads, if they slowed down a bit, they would be a lot safer. Patience can be used as a skill in most walks of life, and could lead to a lot less stress, even in the work place. I know that, having spent the last 10 years in contact centres. To be honest I used to ignore the constant demand of time constraints on call to actually listen to the caller, and guess what I never failed a target and spent a large proportion of my time being in the top 5 sellers, as by being patience I got to hear more and adjust accordingly. In fact I became know in one job as the biggest success on problem sales purely from that. Whats more I learnt that from some one who was the biggest seller in the company, and had the patience with me as a newbie to teach me the best techniques. So what goes around comes around, and that's my thought for the day. Next time you are getting impatient with some one in your day, stop a minute and think, how would you like to be treated if you were them, and what would help them. All I am really saying is a little patience please.
Wednesday, 5 September 2012
Empty page or canvas in waiting for a masterpiece?
OK it wont be a masterpiece, but you get what I mean, three times I have tried to write this blog today and everything has been against me. The PC is having a break down , the dog keeps helping ( his spelling is worse than mine), and I have my own issues with physio and DLA forms. To be honest i nearly gave up on the day. But for some reason I couldn't, it was constantly haunting me, the blank page waiting to be filled.
As I have started putting finger to keyboard (doesn't have the same ring as pen to paper does it?) I realise I spend all this time talking to people on the net about everything from world politics to the frustration of day to day living, yet would I speak the same way, IE so openly in person. Probably not in my case, unless it was a close friend, the reason being its too personal, but there is a sense of security talking on the net.
That's a shame really because if people were as open off line as they are on line how much better it would be. Sure you get trolls on line but you learn to ignore or block them, in reality they have no power, but because of real life trolls people are more guarded I guess. Classic example is the doctors, a place I know well. I was thinking how it has changed become impersonal and people sit there in their own little bubbles. In a way I am spoilt, i have had the same practise for years, including the same physio since I was 20, so we get on in a slightly more relaxed, heck some of them came to my wedding. I know which doctor is best for ent, and which is best for skin complaints. But most of we are able to actually talk. Like the one I see for my back has just had a new baby (or rather his wife has) and so we joke about sleepless nights etc. But because of this relationship we can be frank about the problems and issues I have, I know well ahead of going to hospital what to expect what the possible options are and have already a plan for whatever before I go which my doctor will back me on. All because we talk to each other like humans, not clinically.
But then I see other people talk about their doctors visit, and I am convinced they expect the doctor to be a mind reader, like some computer who can scan them when they walk in the door. What happened to be civilised and talking to them. This works not just in the medical situation, but all aspects of life. In this modern world we want to know whats going on we turn on the TV, PC smart phone, how often we do we discuss it with friends or family? Maybe I was brought up old school, but from the time I could talk I was encouraged to debate with the family. By 7 I could hold my own in conversation, and its a skill I have taken with me. I was never allowed to miss dinner with the family except in extreme circumstances so conversation at dinner was daily. In a way its the skill I have taken to the cyber world, but I wish it was still available in the real world. It makes for a more rounded relationship with anyone in your life. You don't have to be scared of not agreeing that's what its all about bringing your own views to the table.
I guess what I am trying to say is that part of what this blog is, a point of view open for debate. You may question what I write or my thoughts and views, and I don't claim to be right. But this is my blank page and what I write is, well not a masterpiece but my way to express life. Blogging may be the new conversation, so lets embrace its positivists, and may be we can return this to the none cyber world one day.
As I have started putting finger to keyboard (doesn't have the same ring as pen to paper does it?) I realise I spend all this time talking to people on the net about everything from world politics to the frustration of day to day living, yet would I speak the same way, IE so openly in person. Probably not in my case, unless it was a close friend, the reason being its too personal, but there is a sense of security talking on the net.
That's a shame really because if people were as open off line as they are on line how much better it would be. Sure you get trolls on line but you learn to ignore or block them, in reality they have no power, but because of real life trolls people are more guarded I guess. Classic example is the doctors, a place I know well. I was thinking how it has changed become impersonal and people sit there in their own little bubbles. In a way I am spoilt, i have had the same practise for years, including the same physio since I was 20, so we get on in a slightly more relaxed, heck some of them came to my wedding. I know which doctor is best for ent, and which is best for skin complaints. But most of we are able to actually talk. Like the one I see for my back has just had a new baby (or rather his wife has) and so we joke about sleepless nights etc. But because of this relationship we can be frank about the problems and issues I have, I know well ahead of going to hospital what to expect what the possible options are and have already a plan for whatever before I go which my doctor will back me on. All because we talk to each other like humans, not clinically.
But then I see other people talk about their doctors visit, and I am convinced they expect the doctor to be a mind reader, like some computer who can scan them when they walk in the door. What happened to be civilised and talking to them. This works not just in the medical situation, but all aspects of life. In this modern world we want to know whats going on we turn on the TV, PC smart phone, how often we do we discuss it with friends or family? Maybe I was brought up old school, but from the time I could talk I was encouraged to debate with the family. By 7 I could hold my own in conversation, and its a skill I have taken with me. I was never allowed to miss dinner with the family except in extreme circumstances so conversation at dinner was daily. In a way its the skill I have taken to the cyber world, but I wish it was still available in the real world. It makes for a more rounded relationship with anyone in your life. You don't have to be scared of not agreeing that's what its all about bringing your own views to the table.
I guess what I am trying to say is that part of what this blog is, a point of view open for debate. You may question what I write or my thoughts and views, and I don't claim to be right. But this is my blank page and what I write is, well not a masterpiece but my way to express life. Blogging may be the new conversation, so lets embrace its positivists, and may be we can return this to the none cyber world one day.
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
The value of a smile
When I was going to start this entry I was thinking about Ellie Simmons and her win this afternoon, however between brain and page the new of Michael Clarke Duncan's untimely demise has since come in (think The green mile and Armageddon). Yet the same thoughts apply the difference is that one is a real person and one is in relation to the character he played.
Over the last month or so we have seen so many fantastic athletes win medals of varying colours and when you scratch the surface a lot of our Olympians both mains stream and alternative have some tragic tales behind them, Tom Daley is one of many who have lost a parent in the last 12 months, and then there are the ones who have battled personal illness and injury to represent their country. Now this links with the character Michael Clarke Duncan was famous for playing in The Green Mile, John Coffey, a man accused of murder who had the greatest ability, to heal others. If you have never watched the film do so, I have films I recommend to watch if once in your life, this is one, because I never need to see it again, it touched me so deeply. That was purely due to the performance of the actor, and it is in his death I realise how sorely he will be missed and how under used he was.
Anyway, its the healing aspect I am focusing on, I am not saying that there is a some great miracle happening during these Olympics, much as I wish there was, but the affects the joys of some people success is having on others. Look at it this way Just over a year ago this country was quite literally tearing ourselves apart during the riots. It was a very scary time to live through, personally it past the bottom of my road, and I saw a building intriguingly linked with my family for the last 150 years burnt down. What was worse, was I was crazy enough to drive into the heart of Croydon while the buildings were still smoking in the cold light of the morning, with aid from my own church, to assist those who had nothing. By nothing I mean they had the clothes they wore on their back and that was it. So moved by it I remained there helping for a morning and went back the next day having kicked people to give all they could. There was one family who walked in with two young children, one less than a year another 2 maybe three, and they had nothing left no house nothing. It took ages to pursued them to help themselves to everything they needed, they were so shell shocked from it all. Finally after a mug of tea and something to eat they took a couple of bags and started to pick out the basics. The little boy was just staring, at first we didn't know what at. Then it twigged, we were thinking of the practical and forgetting to child of that age the most important possession is their favourite toy and his was gone, he was staring at the heap of toys we had under the table not yet sorted. It took a kind hand and a lot of patience to get him to dive in and find a new find a new friend. That smile when boy and new bear found each other will be with me for life. After the most horrendous of nights, there was that smile.
I am not saying it healed everything, but at least he had a bear all to himself, and I would love to bet he still has that bear. It is the same smile I am seeing on these athletes, regardless of colour round their neck, the smile that isn't hiding the pain of whats gone past but saying it doesn't matter I still got to stand here. As that boy touched my heart for life, I get the feeling the success of this summer is going to rub off on London and Britain. Most people are going to have a special moment from the Olympics or even the Diamond Jubilee this year, and I hope they can carry it with them for the rest of their lives.But remember this its not the occasion that makes the memory, it is the way it touches you. In the same way a hello and smile to a stranger may well have the same affect, you don't know how their day/ week even year has been, but a simple act of a smile can be contagious, like the games makers at the Olympics, lets continue their work.
We all have rough days, where a dark cloud won't leave us, but if we can find something inside us, that little moment of happiness and peace the day will seem easier. I know personally there are days the pain is so hard to live with, that I am unbearable. but what does it solve? nothing long term but stress everyone around me. So why dwell on it, find that something and turn it round. The cost of a smile is nothing, but the value of it? priceless
Over the last month or so we have seen so many fantastic athletes win medals of varying colours and when you scratch the surface a lot of our Olympians both mains stream and alternative have some tragic tales behind them, Tom Daley is one of many who have lost a parent in the last 12 months, and then there are the ones who have battled personal illness and injury to represent their country. Now this links with the character Michael Clarke Duncan was famous for playing in The Green Mile, John Coffey, a man accused of murder who had the greatest ability, to heal others. If you have never watched the film do so, I have films I recommend to watch if once in your life, this is one, because I never need to see it again, it touched me so deeply. That was purely due to the performance of the actor, and it is in his death I realise how sorely he will be missed and how under used he was.
Anyway, its the healing aspect I am focusing on, I am not saying that there is a some great miracle happening during these Olympics, much as I wish there was, but the affects the joys of some people success is having on others. Look at it this way Just over a year ago this country was quite literally tearing ourselves apart during the riots. It was a very scary time to live through, personally it past the bottom of my road, and I saw a building intriguingly linked with my family for the last 150 years burnt down. What was worse, was I was crazy enough to drive into the heart of Croydon while the buildings were still smoking in the cold light of the morning, with aid from my own church, to assist those who had nothing. By nothing I mean they had the clothes they wore on their back and that was it. So moved by it I remained there helping for a morning and went back the next day having kicked people to give all they could. There was one family who walked in with two young children, one less than a year another 2 maybe three, and they had nothing left no house nothing. It took ages to pursued them to help themselves to everything they needed, they were so shell shocked from it all. Finally after a mug of tea and something to eat they took a couple of bags and started to pick out the basics. The little boy was just staring, at first we didn't know what at. Then it twigged, we were thinking of the practical and forgetting to child of that age the most important possession is their favourite toy and his was gone, he was staring at the heap of toys we had under the table not yet sorted. It took a kind hand and a lot of patience to get him to dive in and find a new find a new friend. That smile when boy and new bear found each other will be with me for life. After the most horrendous of nights, there was that smile.
I am not saying it healed everything, but at least he had a bear all to himself, and I would love to bet he still has that bear. It is the same smile I am seeing on these athletes, regardless of colour round their neck, the smile that isn't hiding the pain of whats gone past but saying it doesn't matter I still got to stand here. As that boy touched my heart for life, I get the feeling the success of this summer is going to rub off on London and Britain. Most people are going to have a special moment from the Olympics or even the Diamond Jubilee this year, and I hope they can carry it with them for the rest of their lives.But remember this its not the occasion that makes the memory, it is the way it touches you. In the same way a hello and smile to a stranger may well have the same affect, you don't know how their day/ week even year has been, but a simple act of a smile can be contagious, like the games makers at the Olympics, lets continue their work.
We all have rough days, where a dark cloud won't leave us, but if we can find something inside us, that little moment of happiness and peace the day will seem easier. I know personally there are days the pain is so hard to live with, that I am unbearable. but what does it solve? nothing long term but stress everyone around me. So why dwell on it, find that something and turn it round. The cost of a smile is nothing, but the value of it? priceless
Monday, 3 September 2012
Insonmia my faithful friend
For those who haven't twigged I live near London England, well my physical location is that. However I am not quite sure what time zone my body is working to ? All I know is it doesn't work to any constant time zone but 90% of the time it isn't GMT. This is one thing I can't blame on any illness or even medicine pattern it is just me. As a baby I used to infuriate my mother with my late hours and I would sooner wear her out than miss anything. It's odd because when I do get to sleep a solid 8 hours is normal, but it is when those 8 hours start that is so random I am sure you could run a successful sweep stake on it.
But fear not I am not going to bore you about all the different things I have tried to correct this, because the simple answer is they don't work! Instead I look at it as a blessing. I get the chance to attempt to do stuff that in the day would be impossible because every one is around me making comments and so on. At night I can sit down in space and do some jobs, although some are best not repeated to my physio or she will blow another blood vessel. I am not saying I can clean the house or do the laundry. But the lighter things like check the stores, plan the menu and the shopping list. Tidy the reachable fridge shelves, locate the missing cutlery and crockery and delivery very slowly to the sink. These sound like little tasks but at the moment they are little steps forward. Pre recent incident in wasn't unheard of for me to have cleared the laundry, tidied the kitchen and done the ground work to dinner over night. Other nights I do the on line shopping sort the banking etc. Now I use my nights mainly to tidy up and release my blog, hence I have to re post it for 12 hours later for the GMT audience.
However that's not the reasoning for tonight's entry, this is, I guess I am more aware now situations have changed, but why are all the signing programs on during the middle of the night. I don't just mean BBC either ITV have started showing mainstream films at 3am with total sign. Are they under the assumption that all the deaf and hard of hearing people in the country are totally nocturnal. If so that is one hell of a biased way of thinking of them. That said it does give me the chance to re watch some of the more intellectual programs I have missed and learn some signing as I do. But I do think it very strange. I know there are subtitles available all the time, trust me I have to use them often enough when there is family background noise, but to be perfectly honest subtitles are erratic at best. So why don't all programs come with mandatory signing and audio description. With that thinking why do BBC 3 & 4 only start at 7pm, considering the number f repeats on anyway I am sure the market could stand them repeating some of the best of the programs for the week just gone by. And for those that know me I don't me Top Gear 24/7 Dave does that for me, but there are a lot of programs hiding on BBC2 that clash with other more popular programs. However it does provide us insomnics a way to extend our brains.
Thats said it also means I have yet to see 9am for a while so I bid you goodnight or goodmorning.
But fear not I am not going to bore you about all the different things I have tried to correct this, because the simple answer is they don't work! Instead I look at it as a blessing. I get the chance to attempt to do stuff that in the day would be impossible because every one is around me making comments and so on. At night I can sit down in space and do some jobs, although some are best not repeated to my physio or she will blow another blood vessel. I am not saying I can clean the house or do the laundry. But the lighter things like check the stores, plan the menu and the shopping list. Tidy the reachable fridge shelves, locate the missing cutlery and crockery and delivery very slowly to the sink. These sound like little tasks but at the moment they are little steps forward. Pre recent incident in wasn't unheard of for me to have cleared the laundry, tidied the kitchen and done the ground work to dinner over night. Other nights I do the on line shopping sort the banking etc. Now I use my nights mainly to tidy up and release my blog, hence I have to re post it for 12 hours later for the GMT audience.
However that's not the reasoning for tonight's entry, this is, I guess I am more aware now situations have changed, but why are all the signing programs on during the middle of the night. I don't just mean BBC either ITV have started showing mainstream films at 3am with total sign. Are they under the assumption that all the deaf and hard of hearing people in the country are totally nocturnal. If so that is one hell of a biased way of thinking of them. That said it does give me the chance to re watch some of the more intellectual programs I have missed and learn some signing as I do. But I do think it very strange. I know there are subtitles available all the time, trust me I have to use them often enough when there is family background noise, but to be perfectly honest subtitles are erratic at best. So why don't all programs come with mandatory signing and audio description. With that thinking why do BBC 3 & 4 only start at 7pm, considering the number f repeats on anyway I am sure the market could stand them repeating some of the best of the programs for the week just gone by. And for those that know me I don't me Top Gear 24/7 Dave does that for me, but there are a lot of programs hiding on BBC2 that clash with other more popular programs. However it does provide us insomnics a way to extend our brains.
Thats said it also means I have yet to see 9am for a while so I bid you goodnight or goodmorning.
Sunday, 2 September 2012
That lightbulb moment
Its funny how those light bulb moments happen, with me like I wrote about in the last blog it was a song. In the case of Cheyenne, it was yesterday evening when he was left dangling off a lot of boxes on one of his grand escape plans.
For those who can remember the cartoon pinky and brain, well Cheyenne is like a cross of those two characters. He is constantly on a mission to create mischief and mayhem, unfortunately due to the many lives he used up he isn't the strongest of cats and tonight he finally realised some of his best laid plans are not physically possible on 3 and a bit paws. But instead of learning from his experience, which actually added some humour to the night for me, he got angry with the person who tried to help him. This is no lion with a thorn in his paw story, he growled and growled till he alerted two sleeping dogs who would never have known he was in the room . Actually going by the snoring previously I would say these dogs were too busy in a land of slumber containing no cats ands plenty of pedigree chum. But no Cheyenne got so angry with himself and me for helping out of his moment of trouble he woke anyone in a 10 metre radius. That made the situation worse not because the dogs don't get on with him but because rocky tries to help. This ends up in an elephant and mouse situation with rocky being so big in personality as well as very bouncy, this can panic an upset cat. especially as rocky wants to check nothing is physically wrong with his cats he starts sniffing them for injury.Anyway after the chaos settled and Cheyenne was firmly placed somewhere where he was no danger to himself and others I went to bed. A few hours later I was awoken again by an over excited dog ( and I wonder why I am not acquainted with much sleep?) Out of instinct I called Cheyenne away from the same escape route, only to find out it wasn't Cheyenne, but Phoenix trying out Cheyenne's failed plan. So far Cheyenne hasn't been near that route and has stuck firmly to using doors.
It is funny how similar certain animals can portray elements of human characteristics though. Both Cheyenne and Apache have been suffers of trauma that has in cat terms left them disabled. One has a third of a tail which has a major affect on a cats balance and the other has restricted strength in one leg which limits jumping ability. But do either of them complain or moan, nope apart from the occasional need for pain killer in the later they get on and adjust. In both these cases it has actually made the two more lovely and family orientated. On the other hand when I was a kid we inherited a neighbours cat when she died, this cat had similar injuries and no tail, she also had the reputation of being the most evil creature walking the area. Snowball her name was, and she had already turned almost feral when I took her on. It took weeks of coaxing and gentle handling to get her to trust me enough to bring her into the house. Time and patience went a long way and she returned to near domesticated, but there was always that element of un trust and she was unpredictable in her behave to others, attempting to kill my violin teacher being one of her classic moments. She would wag her stump of a tail in anger as if the tail was still there. Most people would have given up on her and at her age had her put down she was 16 when I got her. But that cat repaid us all in one day, she actually saved the house from burning to the ground, its a long story but needless to say that was the light bulb moment for the rest of the house hold as to the value of this pet. But in that one unselfish act snowball repaid all the love and patience we had poured on her.
Animals aren't human and I don't even pretend they are, they can turn on you in and instant if you betray them, but some times they show us up for their drive to live is incredible and their light bulb moments are a lesson to us all.
For those who can remember the cartoon pinky and brain, well Cheyenne is like a cross of those two characters. He is constantly on a mission to create mischief and mayhem, unfortunately due to the many lives he used up he isn't the strongest of cats and tonight he finally realised some of his best laid plans are not physically possible on 3 and a bit paws. But instead of learning from his experience, which actually added some humour to the night for me, he got angry with the person who tried to help him. This is no lion with a thorn in his paw story, he growled and growled till he alerted two sleeping dogs who would never have known he was in the room . Actually going by the snoring previously I would say these dogs were too busy in a land of slumber containing no cats ands plenty of pedigree chum. But no Cheyenne got so angry with himself and me for helping out of his moment of trouble he woke anyone in a 10 metre radius. That made the situation worse not because the dogs don't get on with him but because rocky tries to help. This ends up in an elephant and mouse situation with rocky being so big in personality as well as very bouncy, this can panic an upset cat. especially as rocky wants to check nothing is physically wrong with his cats he starts sniffing them for injury.Anyway after the chaos settled and Cheyenne was firmly placed somewhere where he was no danger to himself and others I went to bed. A few hours later I was awoken again by an over excited dog ( and I wonder why I am not acquainted with much sleep?) Out of instinct I called Cheyenne away from the same escape route, only to find out it wasn't Cheyenne, but Phoenix trying out Cheyenne's failed plan. So far Cheyenne hasn't been near that route and has stuck firmly to using doors.
It is funny how similar certain animals can portray elements of human characteristics though. Both Cheyenne and Apache have been suffers of trauma that has in cat terms left them disabled. One has a third of a tail which has a major affect on a cats balance and the other has restricted strength in one leg which limits jumping ability. But do either of them complain or moan, nope apart from the occasional need for pain killer in the later they get on and adjust. In both these cases it has actually made the two more lovely and family orientated. On the other hand when I was a kid we inherited a neighbours cat when she died, this cat had similar injuries and no tail, she also had the reputation of being the most evil creature walking the area. Snowball her name was, and she had already turned almost feral when I took her on. It took weeks of coaxing and gentle handling to get her to trust me enough to bring her into the house. Time and patience went a long way and she returned to near domesticated, but there was always that element of un trust and she was unpredictable in her behave to others, attempting to kill my violin teacher being one of her classic moments. She would wag her stump of a tail in anger as if the tail was still there. Most people would have given up on her and at her age had her put down she was 16 when I got her. But that cat repaid us all in one day, she actually saved the house from burning to the ground, its a long story but needless to say that was the light bulb moment for the rest of the house hold as to the value of this pet. But in that one unselfish act snowball repaid all the love and patience we had poured on her.
Animals aren't human and I don't even pretend they are, they can turn on you in and instant if you betray them, but some times they show us up for their drive to live is incredible and their light bulb moments are a lesson to us all.
Saturday, 1 September 2012
R I P to the girl I used to be
Yes I know I have blatantly nicked the title from a current song in the charts, but never has a song been so appropriately released. Over the last few days I have had this song stuck in my head on continual replay. Its become like a drug I have to listen to the song at least twice daily or I am edgy. Is there such a thing as an addiction to a song? because I am danger of becoming one. What's unusual is it isn't my usual taste in music to get fixated on, I am a little less RnB and a bit more pop/rock or even classical.
So this morning I sat down and actually listened to the song, trying to dissect the lyrics to find the source of my increasing addiction. I got it narrowed down to the chorus, predominately the 1st two lines and a few random ones through out the song. Its a bit like life rattling the largest bell possible and saying "fancy paying attention anytime soon?" Or the biggest neon sign pointing the way, I have to file the past in just that, the past. What I used to be or could do, they may have to be resigned back to the pleasant memories file. I am not saying I am giving up far from it, just re aligning the goal posts to something more realistic and constructive. I won't be repeating my attempt of the London 10k any time soon even though I had plans to do a 5k in the spring coming, that's now on hold. if I am lucky I may manage something in time for comic relief but that's under consideration with my physio and multiple doctors. I have to accept for the foreseeable future, much as I hate them, those crutches are part of me.
It is the same with work I can't take on anything that I used to with crazy shifts or similar as I am now reliant on others to get me to and from if I have to travel. I also have to accept that despite my screaming people are going to be prejudice against me and I can't chase the money like I want to. Working at the moment is a total no no until the doctors have my pain levels controlled anyway as I can't chance blacking out at work or physically locking up and squealing pain, like I am at random times at present. I am certainly not rolling up and playing dead here. But I am becoming my own enemy here, my brain and git want to do more than I can physically so I am not giving myself time to heal or adjust. Like tonight because Mum is exhausted and coming down with a cold I decided to cook dinner. Good idea in principle, but I didn't just cook dinner I cleared up a load of stuff including bending to the floor to pick up stuff. I was so proud of myself until two hours later when I locked up on the stairs screaming because I couldn't take the next step for fear of leg not supporting my weight on the impact of the step. Ten minutes it took me to get to the bottom and there is nothing anyone else can do I have to wait for the spasm to ease on its own for fear of doing more damage. So basically I have to accept there is not going to be any great progress till at least the 17th when the hospital pain clinic get hold of me. Yes I know its a little over two weeks away, but when each day feels like a lifetime its a bigger ask.
What that song and in truth the whole of my body is trying to tell me is my mind may be still running at the level of me in my 20s but my body isn't. The only sugar in this medicine is thinking back to an interview Harrison Ford gave in the late 1980's when he was in his mid to late 40s, about the time he did Indiana Jones and the Last crusade and they asked him how much longer would he do action films, his answer is a stroke of genius "It ain't the age its the mileage". How true is that, I have more in my life than many get the chance to. By 19 I had played at the Purcell Rooms London, and the Tivoli Gardens Denmark, Been on 3 TV shows and was a national champion 3 times over in music alone. I had also a radio series, many play performances and directed my own show, under my belt. Not counting running for Britain in orienteering, being one of the youngest staff on the marathon finish and it keeps coming. So yea I have done some mileage may be its time for a full MOT and maybe some more parts replaced.
It may be RIP to the girl I used to be .. time for an upgrade and that takes time to rebuild.
So this morning I sat down and actually listened to the song, trying to dissect the lyrics to find the source of my increasing addiction. I got it narrowed down to the chorus, predominately the 1st two lines and a few random ones through out the song. Its a bit like life rattling the largest bell possible and saying "fancy paying attention anytime soon?" Or the biggest neon sign pointing the way, I have to file the past in just that, the past. What I used to be or could do, they may have to be resigned back to the pleasant memories file. I am not saying I am giving up far from it, just re aligning the goal posts to something more realistic and constructive. I won't be repeating my attempt of the London 10k any time soon even though I had plans to do a 5k in the spring coming, that's now on hold. if I am lucky I may manage something in time for comic relief but that's under consideration with my physio and multiple doctors. I have to accept for the foreseeable future, much as I hate them, those crutches are part of me.
It is the same with work I can't take on anything that I used to with crazy shifts or similar as I am now reliant on others to get me to and from if I have to travel. I also have to accept that despite my screaming people are going to be prejudice against me and I can't chase the money like I want to. Working at the moment is a total no no until the doctors have my pain levels controlled anyway as I can't chance blacking out at work or physically locking up and squealing pain, like I am at random times at present. I am certainly not rolling up and playing dead here. But I am becoming my own enemy here, my brain and git want to do more than I can physically so I am not giving myself time to heal or adjust. Like tonight because Mum is exhausted and coming down with a cold I decided to cook dinner. Good idea in principle, but I didn't just cook dinner I cleared up a load of stuff including bending to the floor to pick up stuff. I was so proud of myself until two hours later when I locked up on the stairs screaming because I couldn't take the next step for fear of leg not supporting my weight on the impact of the step. Ten minutes it took me to get to the bottom and there is nothing anyone else can do I have to wait for the spasm to ease on its own for fear of doing more damage. So basically I have to accept there is not going to be any great progress till at least the 17th when the hospital pain clinic get hold of me. Yes I know its a little over two weeks away, but when each day feels like a lifetime its a bigger ask.
What that song and in truth the whole of my body is trying to tell me is my mind may be still running at the level of me in my 20s but my body isn't. The only sugar in this medicine is thinking back to an interview Harrison Ford gave in the late 1980's when he was in his mid to late 40s, about the time he did Indiana Jones and the Last crusade and they asked him how much longer would he do action films, his answer is a stroke of genius "It ain't the age its the mileage". How true is that, I have more in my life than many get the chance to. By 19 I had played at the Purcell Rooms London, and the Tivoli Gardens Denmark, Been on 3 TV shows and was a national champion 3 times over in music alone. I had also a radio series, many play performances and directed my own show, under my belt. Not counting running for Britain in orienteering, being one of the youngest staff on the marathon finish and it keeps coming. So yea I have done some mileage may be its time for a full MOT and maybe some more parts replaced.
It may be RIP to the girl I used to be .. time for an upgrade and that takes time to rebuild.
Back to reality?
Sorry for the lateness of my blog, the down side of yesterdays great adventure, is the totally exhaustion I have felt all day. Sleep and I are not usually well acquainted, even though my duvet and I have a loving relationship, however today sleep and I were inseparable.
I got up on time to take Phoenix and Cheyenne to the vets for their post operative check, and that was a mission worthy of the army. Those two decided ten minutes before capture to declare mortal war on each other. So it was soon clear we would have use two baskets to move them, which isn't usually a problem however mum is tired from yesterday and husband had work today so it was entirely up to mum and I . Seeing as I am on crutches it left all the lifting to her and as usual there is no where near to park. Still we made it, and after gravity being the main agent used to remove cats from baskets they past with flying colours, suddenly getting them to go back into their baskets became an easy job. It was waiting in the surgery for mum to get the car the pain really took hold and I mean pain with a capital P. It was all I could do to stay conscious till she pulled up with the car.
We made it home and unleashed the whirlwind of cats and that is pretty much the last of the days memories till gone 6. I am told I did eat and take tablets but I can't have been fully conscious when I did it. Even when Hubby returned and took me to the store after 7 it took me 5 minutes to walk to and from the car, and forever to get round the place. I was trying to explain to my rapidly frustrated husband it is like trying to walk when you can't feel the muscles from your waist to your knees, it is just this block of pain and nothing else. He didn't have a clue what I was talking about but at least slowed down.
I haven't dared lay down since dinner for fear of going back to sleep, but at no point has the pain subsided. But am I upset or even slightly annoyed about the day? No, because this pain is a reminder of yesterday. Not just my experiences and activities, but that every participant at the current Olympics must be feeling to give the best they can every moment they perform. I have felt this exhaustion once before when I was fit and decided in my wisdom to run the London 10k for fun. During that race I felt was is called the wall, very common in long distance runners, and as explained by my physio, the bodies warning that you are hitting your limit. It is when the lactic acid builds up in your limbs and they feel like lead, just trying to move them is a task requiring every inch of your mental strength. The soreness you feel the next day is like some battle scar you show off.. Its that same soreness I am feeling now.
But that's not my battle scar, that's my contribution to the efforts of Team GB. I have been lucky enough to join the masses who have made the wall of sound (or waves in my event) cheering on the hopes of the nation. Providing the support for those men and women have dedicated their lives to become the pinnacle of all our nations hopes and representing everything that's good about being British. Both competitors and audience have found a common ground were religion and ability are disregarded and for the 1st Olympics ever every Olympic team has had a female competitor. That has to be included in the memory of London2012, that it was the first Olympics that had been truly equal. It doesn't matter that countries like Ghana have had to use 2nd hand wheel chairs donated by other Olympic countries, or that a Oscar Pistorious has such refined running aids he could actually qualify both forms of Olympics. In fact all this does is highlight the future of the Olympics, that in the not to distant future the two categories will have to merge.In our house we don't use the normal versions of words towards the two Olympics, they have been renamed mainstream and alternative, because alternative in comedy is often more edgy and more fun. The only annoyance is the fact it has got the same amount of coverage and the adverts are driving us mad.
Back to reality though, if we as a society can carry one thing forward from this last month or so please let it be tolerance. In many ways I hope the pain in my legs doesn't just disappear as it is working as one hell of a reminder of how lucky I am. How I managed to get to this event on my own steam with my own legs. It wasn't easy, but life isn't meant to be, if it didn't hurt it wouldn't be worth remembering. Like love, and any other emotion I can think of, its always more clearly remembered and a greater treasure of a memory if it came at a cost. When I won a music competetion it was the ones where my fingers were raw or I had been sick with nerves, that I remember more clearly, same with the plays I was in and so on. So yeah I am in pain, so much so I am awake still at nearly 5am, but its because yesterday I achieved something even my doctor thought was too much, and my reason for doing it was selfless. So it is worth every second of it.
I got up on time to take Phoenix and Cheyenne to the vets for their post operative check, and that was a mission worthy of the army. Those two decided ten minutes before capture to declare mortal war on each other. So it was soon clear we would have use two baskets to move them, which isn't usually a problem however mum is tired from yesterday and husband had work today so it was entirely up to mum and I . Seeing as I am on crutches it left all the lifting to her and as usual there is no where near to park. Still we made it, and after gravity being the main agent used to remove cats from baskets they past with flying colours, suddenly getting them to go back into their baskets became an easy job. It was waiting in the surgery for mum to get the car the pain really took hold and I mean pain with a capital P. It was all I could do to stay conscious till she pulled up with the car.
We made it home and unleashed the whirlwind of cats and that is pretty much the last of the days memories till gone 6. I am told I did eat and take tablets but I can't have been fully conscious when I did it. Even when Hubby returned and took me to the store after 7 it took me 5 minutes to walk to and from the car, and forever to get round the place. I was trying to explain to my rapidly frustrated husband it is like trying to walk when you can't feel the muscles from your waist to your knees, it is just this block of pain and nothing else. He didn't have a clue what I was talking about but at least slowed down.
I haven't dared lay down since dinner for fear of going back to sleep, but at no point has the pain subsided. But am I upset or even slightly annoyed about the day? No, because this pain is a reminder of yesterday. Not just my experiences and activities, but that every participant at the current Olympics must be feeling to give the best they can every moment they perform. I have felt this exhaustion once before when I was fit and decided in my wisdom to run the London 10k for fun. During that race I felt was is called the wall, very common in long distance runners, and as explained by my physio, the bodies warning that you are hitting your limit. It is when the lactic acid builds up in your limbs and they feel like lead, just trying to move them is a task requiring every inch of your mental strength. The soreness you feel the next day is like some battle scar you show off.. Its that same soreness I am feeling now.
But that's not my battle scar, that's my contribution to the efforts of Team GB. I have been lucky enough to join the masses who have made the wall of sound (or waves in my event) cheering on the hopes of the nation. Providing the support for those men and women have dedicated their lives to become the pinnacle of all our nations hopes and representing everything that's good about being British. Both competitors and audience have found a common ground were religion and ability are disregarded and for the 1st Olympics ever every Olympic team has had a female competitor. That has to be included in the memory of London2012, that it was the first Olympics that had been truly equal. It doesn't matter that countries like Ghana have had to use 2nd hand wheel chairs donated by other Olympic countries, or that a Oscar Pistorious has such refined running aids he could actually qualify both forms of Olympics. In fact all this does is highlight the future of the Olympics, that in the not to distant future the two categories will have to merge.In our house we don't use the normal versions of words towards the two Olympics, they have been renamed mainstream and alternative, because alternative in comedy is often more edgy and more fun. The only annoyance is the fact it has got the same amount of coverage and the adverts are driving us mad.
Back to reality though, if we as a society can carry one thing forward from this last month or so please let it be tolerance. In many ways I hope the pain in my legs doesn't just disappear as it is working as one hell of a reminder of how lucky I am. How I managed to get to this event on my own steam with my own legs. It wasn't easy, but life isn't meant to be, if it didn't hurt it wouldn't be worth remembering. Like love, and any other emotion I can think of, its always more clearly remembered and a greater treasure of a memory if it came at a cost. When I won a music competetion it was the ones where my fingers were raw or I had been sick with nerves, that I remember more clearly, same with the plays I was in and so on. So yeah I am in pain, so much so I am awake still at nearly 5am, but its because yesterday I achieved something even my doctor thought was too much, and my reason for doing it was selfless. So it is worth every second of it.
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