As promised the Rocky update. Well for once I can honestly say I couldn't be prouder of my puppy, who isn't the most reliable creature on this earth. Rocky comes from a bad start in life and although I have had him for two and half years even those have been tempestuous.
When I got him he was an unwanted off spring of a Inuit and corgi, and was the last of the litter to be housed. His mum was part of the wolf back breeding program, but she prefer the corgi to the offered mate. By the time I met Rocky he was already in a half way house and saw his brother and sister easily housed leaving him alone. We only went to view him as I had lost my border collie 10 months prior and was desperate for another canine companion and mum was looking for a play mate for her westie. The pair clicked quickly and Rocky was taken with me the moment he saw me and I called his name. But he wasn't the easiest dog from day one he needs a firm hand to keep him in check but in return he loves nothing more than being loved. Even when we had misty mums late westie he was zealous for life so zealous he forgot the fence between us and another garden and broke his nose in the collision within 3 months of having him.
As much as he is a loving puppy, he is very nervous and when nerves are shaken the barking starts. Most callers to our house think we have a pack of Doberman in our house he greets the front door knock with such volume. He his a tendency to give himself an asthma attack if over stimulated. This all got worse when Misty past suddenly from an aggressive cancer. After Misty we gains Rosie and cairn westie cross and as bossy as bossy can be. I swear she bully's rocky half the time and then grins innocently when she has landed him right in it. Since her arrival Rocky has been more of a handful of mischief and now for his sake as much as anything we keep him muzzled when he is out. Apart from eating the back seat of the car, he tends to bark regardless of the location of any ones limb and more than once we have received a graze from his teeth from this. It isn't he bites as he is just careless, but rather than have this misinterpreted, we go for muzzle safety.
So with all this in mind and the fact my little boy was in a lot of pain we went to the vets with my nerves on tender hooks and what he was likely to do. Well why did I worry? his daddy got conned into carrying him in to the surgery, and he took his treatment well. Then when we came home and couldn't park near the house he decided he could walk even on 3 paws and 1 sore paw. I took a gamble that could of ended up in disaster by having his lead round my crutches as the two of us hopped to the house and whats more we got there with no falls or trips. Granted I think hubby's nerves were shattered after that walk but we did it injuries and all. All before we gave him pain relief and antibiotics, which he then took with his dinner no problem.
Now I am back in bed Rocky by head Rosie at my feet and Phoenix fight me for the middle. He goes back Tuesday to check he is healing if not his claw has to go but we are trying the easy way first. But he is back to happy lively noisy self , and crazy as it sounds I wouldn't change a thing. Granted once he and I are feeling better we will be seeing a therapist for his nerves mainly for his health than anything. He is so dependant on me that if there is something I can't control like fireworks he goes into mass panic and thats not good for his heart. But for now I will settle for my hyped dpggy with a not so sore paw.
Saturday, 15 September 2012
Friday, 14 September 2012
Sore Pawed
Its one of those days, the kind of day when I maybe having a good day but poor Rocky isn't. Some how he has damaged his claw and now his whole paw is tender. So as soon as hubby is home we are off to the vets for some treatment.
I am writing about this as a comparison to me and my illness. When I am in bad pain I can scream, but usually don't as it solves nothing, Rocky how ever can only scream with the pain to let us know he isn't well. Trust me when a dog screams we know its bad, but Rocky the biggest member of the animal family is actually the biggest baby with the lowest pain tolerance, he will yelp if a cat waves a claw at him, so its always hard to work out just how bad it is. But as he lays pitifully on my bed it is obvious we need to see a vet. So like doctors appointments I battled to get one and we are now waiting patiently for him to go and get repaired.
It is times like this that make me realise how lucky we humans particularly in the western world are, we are able to pick up a phone if not to a GP but to some medical assistance, 24/7 and receive advise, and if necessary, medical treatment sooner rather than later. If you are a family pet you are reliant on being able to convince your owners that you don't feel well and hope they can find you the right kind of help. I think my lot are quite lucky that way as we have always had animals small or large and this goes back beyond my mother. There is a family tale of how my grandfathers mother whipped an owner of a horse for his mistreatment of the horse. Unfortunately the horse was beyond saving but she paid for him to suffer no longer. So it may be down to genes, or just common sense but we have always attracted animals over the years. We have the ones no one wants for one reason or another, but yet we seem to have little problem with them. If they are sick someone will stay up all night to provide the needed medication and in some cases spoon feed them. I am not saying it comes easy, there have been times I have been so tired doing it, but the outcome has been worthwhile. The unconditional love you receive in return is worth tiredness 1000 times over.
Animal care isn't for everyone, as in many ways it is harder than raising children, because they reason things out in their own mysterious way. Like trying to explain to Cheyenne that his 4th paw will never be what it was, and to Apache that her tail is better of not being there anymore as the pain would have driven her mad literally. You can't just leave an animal for hours alone when you go for a day out or to work, if it is a dog you need to take it with you and if its a cat, well that depends on the cat. We have a simple rule if we can't take the dogs with us on a long day out then one person stays at home with them. We choose to have animals so it is our responsibility to make sacrifice. I also make a point every day of checking in with each animal on it own. Handling them, talking to them and so on. It is their personal one to one for the day and it creates my closer bond with them. It is during these times that Garfield has his ear scratch or Branston his tummy rub and is on top of the daily attention they get. I find it is this way I get to know the animals so well I can spot problems in health before they become anything too great with the exception of accidents.
So as I sit here typing I have a poorly Rocky next to me upside down all paws in the air, waiting for the last 30 minutes to hurry past so we can go get him better, On the other side I have Rosie looking concerned for her playmate, and on various levels different cats are observing the situation. They all know something isn't right but they don't understand what comes next or how to deal with it, so we are gently talking to them and hoping they understand or take comfort from my voice. To us Rocky's injury would translate to a split nail that is infected, and would mean maybe a nail removal and antibiotics. To him it is so painful he can't put his paw down and is making him feel wrong. Anyway shortly all should be better and one sore pawed dog should be feeling a little better if not bouncing yet.
I am writing about this as a comparison to me and my illness. When I am in bad pain I can scream, but usually don't as it solves nothing, Rocky how ever can only scream with the pain to let us know he isn't well. Trust me when a dog screams we know its bad, but Rocky the biggest member of the animal family is actually the biggest baby with the lowest pain tolerance, he will yelp if a cat waves a claw at him, so its always hard to work out just how bad it is. But as he lays pitifully on my bed it is obvious we need to see a vet. So like doctors appointments I battled to get one and we are now waiting patiently for him to go and get repaired.
It is times like this that make me realise how lucky we humans particularly in the western world are, we are able to pick up a phone if not to a GP but to some medical assistance, 24/7 and receive advise, and if necessary, medical treatment sooner rather than later. If you are a family pet you are reliant on being able to convince your owners that you don't feel well and hope they can find you the right kind of help. I think my lot are quite lucky that way as we have always had animals small or large and this goes back beyond my mother. There is a family tale of how my grandfathers mother whipped an owner of a horse for his mistreatment of the horse. Unfortunately the horse was beyond saving but she paid for him to suffer no longer. So it may be down to genes, or just common sense but we have always attracted animals over the years. We have the ones no one wants for one reason or another, but yet we seem to have little problem with them. If they are sick someone will stay up all night to provide the needed medication and in some cases spoon feed them. I am not saying it comes easy, there have been times I have been so tired doing it, but the outcome has been worthwhile. The unconditional love you receive in return is worth tiredness 1000 times over.
Animal care isn't for everyone, as in many ways it is harder than raising children, because they reason things out in their own mysterious way. Like trying to explain to Cheyenne that his 4th paw will never be what it was, and to Apache that her tail is better of not being there anymore as the pain would have driven her mad literally. You can't just leave an animal for hours alone when you go for a day out or to work, if it is a dog you need to take it with you and if its a cat, well that depends on the cat. We have a simple rule if we can't take the dogs with us on a long day out then one person stays at home with them. We choose to have animals so it is our responsibility to make sacrifice. I also make a point every day of checking in with each animal on it own. Handling them, talking to them and so on. It is their personal one to one for the day and it creates my closer bond with them. It is during these times that Garfield has his ear scratch or Branston his tummy rub and is on top of the daily attention they get. I find it is this way I get to know the animals so well I can spot problems in health before they become anything too great with the exception of accidents.
So as I sit here typing I have a poorly Rocky next to me upside down all paws in the air, waiting for the last 30 minutes to hurry past so we can go get him better, On the other side I have Rosie looking concerned for her playmate, and on various levels different cats are observing the situation. They all know something isn't right but they don't understand what comes next or how to deal with it, so we are gently talking to them and hoping they understand or take comfort from my voice. To us Rocky's injury would translate to a split nail that is infected, and would mean maybe a nail removal and antibiotics. To him it is so painful he can't put his paw down and is making him feel wrong. Anyway shortly all should be better and one sore pawed dog should be feeling a little better if not bouncing yet.
Words to live by
I know its past my bed time but I couldn't shake this thought, so I decided to write it. We all have phrases that stick with us all our lives. I realise I have always made notes of these all my life from the back of college books to post its on my desk to keep me going through the day, what ever point in my life I made note of them I carry them with me to help myself out of that black hole I can end up in. This blog I am going to share a few with you and their meaning.
The first one I remember is from my youth and is from a play I did a local tour of from the age of 5. The play was "A Grain of Mustard Seed" by Rodger Jones and was the life story of a man called Robert Raikes. The quote is a
"a man takes a mustard seed and sows it in ground, the smallest of seeds but just see what it yields"
That has meant so much over my life as it has so many different meanings at different phrases in a persons life. To be honest it isn't even a Christian quote if you take it out of context and use it as phrase to live by.At the moment it means to me that the smallest of things could develop into anything, whether it be medicine or a treatment.
The next one is from my school leavers day, a day I never wished to attend as my relationship with school was hate/hate. Anyway the quote was given by one of the school governors.
"A man who aims for the treetop may reach the truck, but a man who aims for the moon may reach the top of the tree"
Actually I remember my closing quip as I left school for the last time it was said in teenage sarcasm, but actually its not that dumb I said "I am not aiming for the moon but a galaxy far away!" Yes as was being cocky, but to be honest aiming high is the best way to get ahead as long as you remember the first part of that quote its a good message to install in the younger generation.
Over the next ten years I collected a variety from films to keep me going but one or two has stuck after my first ear operation. I can't remember where its from but I having a feeling this one is Kurt Cobain
" a way station on the road to nirvana"
For those who don't understand nirvana its the native American world for their version of heaven and the saying is their way of saying that everyone has to go through this life to get to the next however you see that next life.
I also collected this one which is the title of the biography of Jim Morrison from The Doors, and again I think it is a line used in one of his songs.
"Nobody gets out of here alive"
Like the previous one they seem bleak quotes, but I don't see them that way, I see them as a reminder we are only here but for a brief time. We are all born and we all die those are the only two definates, its what we do unbeaten that counts and makes us, who we are.
The title of this blog is actually nicked from an interview with Evil Kenevil and it was how he described the words on his grave stone that he commisioned before he died. He lists six words on his gravestone as his legacy to follow and he himself said
"the most important being dreams, as if you don't have dreams what do you have?"
Never a truer word said, we all need dreams to push us forward into the world fighting. I may not have agreed with the way the man lived his life but his words are pure genius.
Like I said at the beginning this is just a snap shot of the words that drive me forward, but recently I started reading about a man called John Nash, a Nobel prize winner for maths. Now don't think I am some maths whizz because nothing is further from the truth but his story is pure gold and worth reading. However the words he said collecting his Nobel Prize in 1994 ring true for me.
" My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional and back again"
Now yes that's strong references, but actually I would love to be able to say that honestly one day that I have lived my life to that many extremes, that I have achieved all I was meant to and maybe more.
Words to live by can be so inspiring they drive people forward with a passion that previously was but a glowing ember. I am not writing in an essence to justify my mortality, but instead to cherish it, value it and if possible push its barriers to the limit so I am left with no regrets. The length of my life has already been cheated a few times and the only thing I don't want to have is any regrets from what I haven't done. If anyone can take the same inspiration from any of the quotes I will be honoured,. I am sharing them in the hope other people can gain from them they way I have. Perhaps an author whose name escapes me has the best way of closing this.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
The first one I remember is from my youth and is from a play I did a local tour of from the age of 5. The play was "A Grain of Mustard Seed" by Rodger Jones and was the life story of a man called Robert Raikes. The quote is a
"a man takes a mustard seed and sows it in ground, the smallest of seeds but just see what it yields"
That has meant so much over my life as it has so many different meanings at different phrases in a persons life. To be honest it isn't even a Christian quote if you take it out of context and use it as phrase to live by.At the moment it means to me that the smallest of things could develop into anything, whether it be medicine or a treatment.
The next one is from my school leavers day, a day I never wished to attend as my relationship with school was hate/hate. Anyway the quote was given by one of the school governors.
"A man who aims for the treetop may reach the truck, but a man who aims for the moon may reach the top of the tree"
Actually I remember my closing quip as I left school for the last time it was said in teenage sarcasm, but actually its not that dumb I said "I am not aiming for the moon but a galaxy far away!" Yes as was being cocky, but to be honest aiming high is the best way to get ahead as long as you remember the first part of that quote its a good message to install in the younger generation.
Over the next ten years I collected a variety from films to keep me going but one or two has stuck after my first ear operation. I can't remember where its from but I having a feeling this one is Kurt Cobain
" a way station on the road to nirvana"
For those who don't understand nirvana its the native American world for their version of heaven and the saying is their way of saying that everyone has to go through this life to get to the next however you see that next life.
I also collected this one which is the title of the biography of Jim Morrison from The Doors, and again I think it is a line used in one of his songs.
"Nobody gets out of here alive"
Like the previous one they seem bleak quotes, but I don't see them that way, I see them as a reminder we are only here but for a brief time. We are all born and we all die those are the only two definates, its what we do unbeaten that counts and makes us, who we are.
The title of this blog is actually nicked from an interview with Evil Kenevil and it was how he described the words on his grave stone that he commisioned before he died. He lists six words on his gravestone as his legacy to follow and he himself said
"the most important being dreams, as if you don't have dreams what do you have?"
Never a truer word said, we all need dreams to push us forward into the world fighting. I may not have agreed with the way the man lived his life but his words are pure genius.
Like I said at the beginning this is just a snap shot of the words that drive me forward, but recently I started reading about a man called John Nash, a Nobel prize winner for maths. Now don't think I am some maths whizz because nothing is further from the truth but his story is pure gold and worth reading. However the words he said collecting his Nobel Prize in 1994 ring true for me.
" My quest has taken me to the physical, the metaphysical, the delusional and back again"
Now yes that's strong references, but actually I would love to be able to say that honestly one day that I have lived my life to that many extremes, that I have achieved all I was meant to and maybe more.
Words to live by can be so inspiring they drive people forward with a passion that previously was but a glowing ember. I am not writing in an essence to justify my mortality, but instead to cherish it, value it and if possible push its barriers to the limit so I am left with no regrets. The length of my life has already been cheated a few times and the only thing I don't want to have is any regrets from what I haven't done. If anyone can take the same inspiration from any of the quotes I will be honoured,. I am sharing them in the hope other people can gain from them they way I have. Perhaps an author whose name escapes me has the best way of closing this.
"The pen is mightier than the sword"
Thursday, 13 September 2012
When getting up is the hardest thing
OK today is a duvet day of the worse kind. I have had the night from hell with pain followed by the day to match. For no reason at all the use of my legs is nothing short of unreliable with pain worthy of a bluebird flight, and turning to reach anything is out of the question. The road must have heard the outburst of Anglo Saxon as I tried to stand up and even now just sitting is an experience of pain not unworthy of black out.
So with that in mind not a lot is getting done except this blog. In fact even this is being written from bed with a cat on one side and a terrier on the other, so in fact I have become the human version of the Berlin Wall, not that I am complaining their warmth is dulling the shooting pains through my hips. This to me is nothing short of completely frustrating, especially as I had been able to get up and out every day so far this week. But now I am back to square one. Even more concerning is I am out on Saturday evening at a motor event and next Friday I am meant to be hopping round Thorpe park. If I feel like I do now I wont want to get out of my bed.
So what do I do on days like this, apart from killing brain cells watching television (bring back those schools and university programs of old please). Well apart from write a pointless Christmas and birthday list, pointless as no one looks at it. I have been scouring the charts for new music and films that may interest me and worked out I need a lottery win of the amount totally around £250 just to extend my library, not to mention new PC and camera both of which are on their last legs. So then we are on that chain of thought, who actually wins the lottery and all those magazine show and Internet competitions.
I have entered a few in my time and yet there is no glimmer of a real win, and does anyone know an actual winner? I am not being sceptical, but on the law of averages everyone should know some one who wins. Sure I have friends who win tickets to events, heck they have shared them with me so I have benefited from them. But it the great scheme of things are not these competitions playing on the greed of some and the desperation of others? For me they are a way of killing time when home alone, to a degree they work the brain although to be honest most of the TV questions I could guess without a brain cell, but to others they are some desperate addict to improve their lives. Everyone knows how to spend the winnings if they won the lottery, but would they really know how to cope with out the need to get out of bed to work every day.
I believe that's why some people who make these major wins often end up worse off than when they were before they won. To have this unbelievable amount of money land in your lap is beyond life changing. Suddenly every member of your family suddenly adores you friends you barely speak to are your best buddy and people you never knew want a bit of your wealth. You are burdened with a responsibility you are ill equipped for.
I don't know if I would know hat to do with such responsibly, but that is down to lady Luck ad person whom I have little acquaintance. I often feel the lottery of winning is a bit like the lottery of health, you can stack the odds to a degree in your favour but at the end of the day it is a fickle creature called fate that chooses the final out come, Its how you deal with it that dictates the kind of person you are.
So with that in mind not a lot is getting done except this blog. In fact even this is being written from bed with a cat on one side and a terrier on the other, so in fact I have become the human version of the Berlin Wall, not that I am complaining their warmth is dulling the shooting pains through my hips. This to me is nothing short of completely frustrating, especially as I had been able to get up and out every day so far this week. But now I am back to square one. Even more concerning is I am out on Saturday evening at a motor event and next Friday I am meant to be hopping round Thorpe park. If I feel like I do now I wont want to get out of my bed.
So what do I do on days like this, apart from killing brain cells watching television (bring back those schools and university programs of old please). Well apart from write a pointless Christmas and birthday list, pointless as no one looks at it. I have been scouring the charts for new music and films that may interest me and worked out I need a lottery win of the amount totally around £250 just to extend my library, not to mention new PC and camera both of which are on their last legs. So then we are on that chain of thought, who actually wins the lottery and all those magazine show and Internet competitions.
I have entered a few in my time and yet there is no glimmer of a real win, and does anyone know an actual winner? I am not being sceptical, but on the law of averages everyone should know some one who wins. Sure I have friends who win tickets to events, heck they have shared them with me so I have benefited from them. But it the great scheme of things are not these competitions playing on the greed of some and the desperation of others? For me they are a way of killing time when home alone, to a degree they work the brain although to be honest most of the TV questions I could guess without a brain cell, but to others they are some desperate addict to improve their lives. Everyone knows how to spend the winnings if they won the lottery, but would they really know how to cope with out the need to get out of bed to work every day.
I believe that's why some people who make these major wins often end up worse off than when they were before they won. To have this unbelievable amount of money land in your lap is beyond life changing. Suddenly every member of your family suddenly adores you friends you barely speak to are your best buddy and people you never knew want a bit of your wealth. You are burdened with a responsibility you are ill equipped for.
I don't know if I would know hat to do with such responsibly, but that is down to lady Luck ad person whom I have little acquaintance. I often feel the lottery of winning is a bit like the lottery of health, you can stack the odds to a degree in your favour but at the end of the day it is a fickle creature called fate that chooses the final out come, Its how you deal with it that dictates the kind of person you are.
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
silence would be golden
Oh how I wish I was back in the countryside, in a place without sirens and air planes rattling my head at night. Yes I am writing this early in the night, but for the first time in weeks every one bar me in this house is tucked up in bed for early nights, so I am left alone with the animals all of whom are as nocturnal as I. So what do I notice?
I tell you what I notice, there is a constant hum of background traffic, this is Wednesday night, so reason for the world to be out celebrating the weekend. At regular intervals there is a flight heading to places far, then there is the regular blast of sirens. Once you get past all that racket, there is the squeaking of a dog dreaming of his bone and the odd hiss as one cat is jealous of another corner or table space. Behind all that noise with the TV turned off I finally hear wind more suited to mid November and the sound of a heavy down pour of autumn rain.
But even if I returned to the countryside this wouldn't improve vastly as there is always the sounds of nature and now a days the background noise of the roads so happily carved through our gloriously green land. And now in every house there is the constant buzz of electronics in the house, your PC, fridge, freezers and so on. Our white goods are responsible of the majority of the white noise as it is now called. this white noise is so great that if we were actually able to time travel as much as we would pass out by the smell in Tudor times some one from then would burst their ear drums on arrival from the constant noise. that's how much the day to day noise has increased in what 500 years. I am sure in the those days you had less migraines as well, as I am convinced that white noise and migraines have a direct link to one another.
However if you think about it, is that such a thing as natural silence? or is there always background noise, like in the Artic there is the sounds of winds and ice cracking, in the desert again there is the wind and the odd bug or snake, and the sand moving. There is no such thing as true silence except in man made conditions. Hence man struggles to process it, and in some wars it was used as a form of torture. Silence is natural as utopia is a achievable, yet we all hope to find both at times in our lives. Hence the saying silence is golden, it is as it is unachievable, and unlivable.
The strangest thing I have found is since my last few big ear operations where I lost a chunk of my hearing I can no longer sleep with out noise of TV or radio. Much as I want the peace and quiet, when I attempt to fall asleep my body panics and goes into night terrors. Its a nightmare when I room share with friends as they have to put up with that unbearable racket of night time TV. Everyone in this house has tried to cure me of this habit, but every time they turn it off I wake up, heck I wake up when the channel I leave it on turns off at the end of its broadcasting. My body is that desperate for sounds, and whats more if I leave it on the news I find I am still absorbing it, which isn't good as it means I not fully asleep at any time. yet I am not constantly tired, even the doctors when I am in hospital can seem to explain it, they used to insist I slept in silence especially after an ear operation, and what they found was I couldn't, unless they used the highest dose of sleep medication, and even then the sleep would be fitful and restless. I would wake more tired and usually having done GBH to a nurse or someone in my sleep as they try to keep me within the confines of my bed. So is this how the human race is evolving or am I just a freak of nature, I don't know.
All I know is in my daydreams I seek silence and peace, where as in my reality those two things don't go together at all. Silence may be golden in principle but in reality it is a quest to seek the impossible. Its a funny world really, we seek the unachievable and dream for the unlivable, what we achieve in this life though, that's the real miracle.
I tell you what I notice, there is a constant hum of background traffic, this is Wednesday night, so reason for the world to be out celebrating the weekend. At regular intervals there is a flight heading to places far, then there is the regular blast of sirens. Once you get past all that racket, there is the squeaking of a dog dreaming of his bone and the odd hiss as one cat is jealous of another corner or table space. Behind all that noise with the TV turned off I finally hear wind more suited to mid November and the sound of a heavy down pour of autumn rain.
But even if I returned to the countryside this wouldn't improve vastly as there is always the sounds of nature and now a days the background noise of the roads so happily carved through our gloriously green land. And now in every house there is the constant buzz of electronics in the house, your PC, fridge, freezers and so on. Our white goods are responsible of the majority of the white noise as it is now called. this white noise is so great that if we were actually able to time travel as much as we would pass out by the smell in Tudor times some one from then would burst their ear drums on arrival from the constant noise. that's how much the day to day noise has increased in what 500 years. I am sure in the those days you had less migraines as well, as I am convinced that white noise and migraines have a direct link to one another.
However if you think about it, is that such a thing as natural silence? or is there always background noise, like in the Artic there is the sounds of winds and ice cracking, in the desert again there is the wind and the odd bug or snake, and the sand moving. There is no such thing as true silence except in man made conditions. Hence man struggles to process it, and in some wars it was used as a form of torture. Silence is natural as utopia is a achievable, yet we all hope to find both at times in our lives. Hence the saying silence is golden, it is as it is unachievable, and unlivable.
The strangest thing I have found is since my last few big ear operations where I lost a chunk of my hearing I can no longer sleep with out noise of TV or radio. Much as I want the peace and quiet, when I attempt to fall asleep my body panics and goes into night terrors. Its a nightmare when I room share with friends as they have to put up with that unbearable racket of night time TV. Everyone in this house has tried to cure me of this habit, but every time they turn it off I wake up, heck I wake up when the channel I leave it on turns off at the end of its broadcasting. My body is that desperate for sounds, and whats more if I leave it on the news I find I am still absorbing it, which isn't good as it means I not fully asleep at any time. yet I am not constantly tired, even the doctors when I am in hospital can seem to explain it, they used to insist I slept in silence especially after an ear operation, and what they found was I couldn't, unless they used the highest dose of sleep medication, and even then the sleep would be fitful and restless. I would wake more tired and usually having done GBH to a nurse or someone in my sleep as they try to keep me within the confines of my bed. So is this how the human race is evolving or am I just a freak of nature, I don't know.
All I know is in my daydreams I seek silence and peace, where as in my reality those two things don't go together at all. Silence may be golden in principle but in reality it is a quest to seek the impossible. Its a funny world really, we seek the unachievable and dream for the unlivable, what we achieve in this life though, that's the real miracle.
Hunting for gold
Not quite going into the league of leprechauns here but just much fun. In my home town we have had the privilege of two Gold medallists from the Olympics and Paralympics. Between them their are now 6 gold letterboxes around the borough and for the last 24 hours we have been on a mission to find them.
Joanna Rowsell has her two, one in Carshalton, found and one in Cheam as yet to be found. Then we have the wonderful David Weir who has four post boxes we have found one in Wallington and spent the rest of the day hunting them down. Result un found, but then I found out there is a logically reason, he has yet to decide where to put them. So that explains my lack of gold success, but we had fun trying, and once they have been painted we will resume our hunt. But to be honest the fun has been in the search. Although its no where near the hard work put in by the athletes whom they honour but it seems right that we have to hunt for them.
As we walked (or in my case hopped) away from our last find of the day mum asked a sensible question, how long do we think they will remain ? I personally would like them to remain at least to the next Olympics so they remain a visual stimulation to those considering acting on their achievements. Whether they do or not remains to be seen, but it is worth asking for that. As the athletes worked hard for the last four years just to make the team, does it not seem reasonable that they are honoured for the same amount of time?
Looking at the bigger picture, I glanced through all the weekly magazines this week and already the success of a nation has been majorly replaced by pop stars and reality show contestants. Sure there is the odd reference to Jessica Ennis and couple of others but none of the paralympic stars are glossing the covers of even the more classy of these magazines. Personally I would love to see Hannah Cockcroft or Ellie Simmons on the front of OK or Hello. It would be the final step forward to equally for all, and such a morale boast for those youngsters who may have their own disability. Instead we are in danger of replacing those true hero's with 2 dimensional fame and money hungry souls who would sell their mother to get the right kind of pr. Is this really what we want the next generation growing up to idolise.
In my day (that makes me feel old) we had a mixture of people to idolise, film stars, and musicians yes, but also conservationists and sports stars. Now a days there are a lot of people hyped up on their own fame via reality stars, even pop stars like Girls Aloud and JLS are products of such shows. In the same instant please don't get me started about shows like TOWIE and Made in Chelsea, whats the point? honestly I have never meet such a shallow excuse of a TV show let alone make the people out of it a person to idolise. The idea of role models and the like is some one to whom you would have to work to achieve their status, not dye your hair blond, spray your skin with goodness knows what and then have more plastic surgery than a barbie doll. In the same light I am so grateful my goddaughter would rather break her arm skateboarding than in a nail bar, she is learning the value of working to achieve something rather than making herself a stereotype to fit in.
I am not saying every celebrity is that bad, but the ones that do the hard work to achieve it on their own often don't have the time or inclination to grace the cover of the magazine week in and out. Those ones you may be lucky to find an article on them once a month, but mainly only after the mandatory pres junket pre show/film/album release. Like the athletes they have too much to do to waste the time, as they are working for their status. In the same light they don't have the same selling power, and its for this reason you won't find David Weir as the cover boy of heat or the likes. The people in charge don't think they will sell.
The only way this whole situation will change is if we change our attitudes, refuse to buy the gossip rags until they start putting articles of interest and real interviews in them, and not types on becoming the next wag or worse. Like finding gold in the old days it took hard work, achieve gold status as role model requires the same. That's the lesson we need to install in the younger generation. For the mean time I am keeping up my gold hunt, its the least I can do sticks and all.
Joanna Rowsell has her two, one in Carshalton, found and one in Cheam as yet to be found. Then we have the wonderful David Weir who has four post boxes we have found one in Wallington and spent the rest of the day hunting them down. Result un found, but then I found out there is a logically reason, he has yet to decide where to put them. So that explains my lack of gold success, but we had fun trying, and once they have been painted we will resume our hunt. But to be honest the fun has been in the search. Although its no where near the hard work put in by the athletes whom they honour but it seems right that we have to hunt for them.
As we walked (or in my case hopped) away from our last find of the day mum asked a sensible question, how long do we think they will remain ? I personally would like them to remain at least to the next Olympics so they remain a visual stimulation to those considering acting on their achievements. Whether they do or not remains to be seen, but it is worth asking for that. As the athletes worked hard for the last four years just to make the team, does it not seem reasonable that they are honoured for the same amount of time?
Looking at the bigger picture, I glanced through all the weekly magazines this week and already the success of a nation has been majorly replaced by pop stars and reality show contestants. Sure there is the odd reference to Jessica Ennis and couple of others but none of the paralympic stars are glossing the covers of even the more classy of these magazines. Personally I would love to see Hannah Cockcroft or Ellie Simmons on the front of OK or Hello. It would be the final step forward to equally for all, and such a morale boast for those youngsters who may have their own disability. Instead we are in danger of replacing those true hero's with 2 dimensional fame and money hungry souls who would sell their mother to get the right kind of pr. Is this really what we want the next generation growing up to idolise.
In my day (that makes me feel old) we had a mixture of people to idolise, film stars, and musicians yes, but also conservationists and sports stars. Now a days there are a lot of people hyped up on their own fame via reality stars, even pop stars like Girls Aloud and JLS are products of such shows. In the same instant please don't get me started about shows like TOWIE and Made in Chelsea, whats the point? honestly I have never meet such a shallow excuse of a TV show let alone make the people out of it a person to idolise. The idea of role models and the like is some one to whom you would have to work to achieve their status, not dye your hair blond, spray your skin with goodness knows what and then have more plastic surgery than a barbie doll. In the same light I am so grateful my goddaughter would rather break her arm skateboarding than in a nail bar, she is learning the value of working to achieve something rather than making herself a stereotype to fit in.
I am not saying every celebrity is that bad, but the ones that do the hard work to achieve it on their own often don't have the time or inclination to grace the cover of the magazine week in and out. Those ones you may be lucky to find an article on them once a month, but mainly only after the mandatory pres junket pre show/film/album release. Like the athletes they have too much to do to waste the time, as they are working for their status. In the same light they don't have the same selling power, and its for this reason you won't find David Weir as the cover boy of heat or the likes. The people in charge don't think they will sell.
The only way this whole situation will change is if we change our attitudes, refuse to buy the gossip rags until they start putting articles of interest and real interviews in them, and not types on becoming the next wag or worse. Like finding gold in the old days it took hard work, achieve gold status as role model requires the same. That's the lesson we need to install in the younger generation. For the mean time I am keeping up my gold hunt, its the least I can do sticks and all.
Time to look at 9/11 another way
Before any one argues with me the title is the words said by a survivor of that tragedy 11 years ago and it got me thinking. Like a lot of people today I have spent at least a moment today reflecting on that day, I couldn't help it, but as a whole I have been trying not to become morose over it.
4 years ago I was on a flight home from Dallas, I had not a bad feeling about coming home on that date, but I was on heightened senses. This was made worse when 2 hours into the flight 4 men locked themselves in the all the loos in economy and caused a queue of agitated passengers. It wasn't long till that annoyance soon changed to panic when they were in there for an excessive amount of time. In the end there was a full blown shouting match between a group of passengers and the cabin crew over it. Now I am nervous flier at the best of times but this was the last thing I needed. We always fly the red eye home and I nearly always don't sleep for the best part of two days because of this, but even I had been given reason to panic. It turned out it was Ramadan and the passengers had been given permission to pray there. Now my gut instinct was, why the hell choose the loos as the offered prayer room, why not at the back of the cabin where it wouldn't have alerted every one to their presence, and cause panic that nearly caused the plane to land in New York. How ever when talking to some Muslim friends after their re action was how inconsiderate of their Muslim counterparts to fly knowing that they had to break fast during the flight with prayer. Either or would have been fine, but the truth is we are never going to erase that fear from people.
How ever we can not let this fear continue to eat at the world society the way it is. There are many good points that have come out of the ashes of that day. Most of us respect and support our armed forces in a way unheard of in my youth. We are a lot more aware and less travelling in our own bubble, and there were great friendships made through loss and actions of hero's. I am not saying forget or anything like that. I am asking we move on and build on the good. There are too many people already struggling with survivor guilt in their lives and does re hashing it every year help them or hinder a hard recovery? Are we actually in danger of cheapen the memory of all those lost by making it an annual event, instead of letting the families deal with it their own way.
Like the hero's of the two world wars and all the events following, these events need to be filed to the memories of landmark events which made hero's out of normal people and lessons were learn. For as long as there is a human race on this earth there is always going to be war. Utopia will never be anything other than a dream, we just hold the responsibility to learn and move on from our mistakes. So maybe we should stop looking at it as the day the western world got attacked and instead the day the ordinary man showed he could be a hero. Celebrate the lives of those lost and those that survived. For by doing that is far more powerful a weapon to those who were destined to hurt that day. I refuse to say it was done in the name of any God or religious label, in the same way I refuse to acknowledge the deeds done in WWII were done by a christian. As no religion breeds hate that deep or gives carte Blanche to mass murder, that is mans action and choice alone.
So today and in years to come let us light a candle, and give a moments reflection towards the people living or not who became hero's that day. Then honour their memory by moving on and building a better world.
4 years ago I was on a flight home from Dallas, I had not a bad feeling about coming home on that date, but I was on heightened senses. This was made worse when 2 hours into the flight 4 men locked themselves in the all the loos in economy and caused a queue of agitated passengers. It wasn't long till that annoyance soon changed to panic when they were in there for an excessive amount of time. In the end there was a full blown shouting match between a group of passengers and the cabin crew over it. Now I am nervous flier at the best of times but this was the last thing I needed. We always fly the red eye home and I nearly always don't sleep for the best part of two days because of this, but even I had been given reason to panic. It turned out it was Ramadan and the passengers had been given permission to pray there. Now my gut instinct was, why the hell choose the loos as the offered prayer room, why not at the back of the cabin where it wouldn't have alerted every one to their presence, and cause panic that nearly caused the plane to land in New York. How ever when talking to some Muslim friends after their re action was how inconsiderate of their Muslim counterparts to fly knowing that they had to break fast during the flight with prayer. Either or would have been fine, but the truth is we are never going to erase that fear from people.
How ever we can not let this fear continue to eat at the world society the way it is. There are many good points that have come out of the ashes of that day. Most of us respect and support our armed forces in a way unheard of in my youth. We are a lot more aware and less travelling in our own bubble, and there were great friendships made through loss and actions of hero's. I am not saying forget or anything like that. I am asking we move on and build on the good. There are too many people already struggling with survivor guilt in their lives and does re hashing it every year help them or hinder a hard recovery? Are we actually in danger of cheapen the memory of all those lost by making it an annual event, instead of letting the families deal with it their own way.
Like the hero's of the two world wars and all the events following, these events need to be filed to the memories of landmark events which made hero's out of normal people and lessons were learn. For as long as there is a human race on this earth there is always going to be war. Utopia will never be anything other than a dream, we just hold the responsibility to learn and move on from our mistakes. So maybe we should stop looking at it as the day the western world got attacked and instead the day the ordinary man showed he could be a hero. Celebrate the lives of those lost and those that survived. For by doing that is far more powerful a weapon to those who were destined to hurt that day. I refuse to say it was done in the name of any God or religious label, in the same way I refuse to acknowledge the deeds done in WWII were done by a christian. As no religion breeds hate that deep or gives carte Blanche to mass murder, that is mans action and choice alone.
So today and in years to come let us light a candle, and give a moments reflection towards the people living or not who became hero's that day. Then honour their memory by moving on and building a better world.
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