Due to various reasons I am currently a fixture upon the family sofa catching up on some missed film viewing. So far I have overdosed on marvel, star trek reboot and a few other worthy causes. But what has become blantantly obvious, is if you want a good guy, there are plenty of eye candy candidates, who seem to be recycled in multiple films. But if you want a decent bad guy, get a brit.
This is an age old tradition in big Hollywood blockbusters, notable mentions must go to the late greats, Christopher Lee and now Alan Rickman. Both were capable of playing both side of the coin, but they will always been memorised for roles where they stole the s re en being bad. Now a days this custom seems to have past the baton to Benedict Cumberbatch in Star Trek and Tom Hiddlestone in the MCU who totally steals it as Loki. It's not as if America is short of its own capable actors with this duplicity, Tommy Lee Jones, Williem Defoe and James Franco jump to mind as me than adequate, yet the studios seem to love to box us Brits into these roles. Why? Is it due to our ability to bring a shakespearin quality to a comic figure, or just our accents, we will never know.
Don't get me wrong I am not begrudging the quality of our actors or resenting them work, just the predictable pattern of Hollywood casting. I always remember the film critic Barry Norman summarising the remake of the fugitive, and how it would have been 10 times more dramatic had Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones swapped roles, thus making the audience actually doubt the leads motive. The same question would be made if they swapped the casting of say Loki and Iron Man in the MCU or god for bid, cast the likes of Chris Pine, the entire Hemsworth family or Chris Evans in a complete different role. These are all good actors who are being limited by the studios need for eye candy as a good guy.
Sure films are meant to be escapism, and in this day and age we need the fantasy as much as ever, but come on folks, we have a brain. We don't need to be treated like audiences of old, where John Wayne was always the cowboy with a heart, and Cary Grant would sweep us of our feet. Where all the women need rescuing by an godlike like creature, by putting the Brit back in his gaol. We are far more refined in our tastes, we need a puzzle to be caught up in, stereo type to be challenged, and maybe cheer when the good guy turns bad and the bad guy wins the girl.
Yes a lot of the problem comes from the business that the studios need to make money from what can be hugely expensive investments, but it also comes from the sidelines, the media hype of magazines and Internet feeding the audience glossy images of perfect men with their tops off and women who look like they never have a bad hair day. This always adds to the monetary value of turnover. But it devalues the skill of the jobs of acting and directing, by assuming that the audience wouldn't buy into the fact that these people could still charm and entertain if the roles were reversed. I mean think back to the first ever star wars film, the most charming character was Han solo, who right to the end of the film could have gone either way. The role made Harrison Ford's career, and thrust him into heartthrob status, yet he was far from the textbook hero, more rogue. The same quality that has totally revived Robert Downing Junior's career playing Tony Stark /Iron Man.
So maybe the studio system needs to embrace this, and mix up the casting a bit, give us less Hollywood hero vs British bad guy and just give us more dubious rogues.
Thursday, 21 July 2016
Saturday, 16 July 2016
Deep breath and pause
I suspect I may not be the only person in the world who really hasn't seen their bed or sleep for the last 48 hours. The only difference between them and myself is in most other cases they have no choice, where as I do. To be truthful I had to take myself away from all media for 4 hours earlier and enjoy the beauty of the countryside to reset my brain.
I for one, can not believe the actions of others resulting in violence in both Turkey and France in the last two days. The reality than some people put such little value on human life for some extreme belief. I don't know what others think but I am currently torn between constant tears and unbridled rage.
We are living in a world that is in a perpetual cycle of rage, extreme views and pure venom, but in reality we are destroying ourselves at an alarming rate. Crying out saying it is in the name of some faith or another is nothing more than an infected lie. No faith calls for such actions. And yes I do know the difference between the faiths of Christianity and Islam, because I actually bothered to go out and ask my local mosque to assist me understand, and in return they shared their time and beliefs freely, giving me copy of their holy book in both Arabic and English, so I could make my own educated conclusion. Due to their actions, and what I learnt, I plan to study the Hebrew text in the same way. Why? You may ask, well I believe tolerance is achieved by understanding and to understand you have to learn to see the other point of view.
All that has happened recently, well in the last 18 months especially, has been bed from intolerance, and I for one refuse to add my fuel to any fire with out being as educated and understanding as possible. What, however I have learnt so far, is none of the actions of any of the parties involved seem to match any religion I have read about. This unrest is political extremism, cloaked under a banner of lies to give it justification.
I am actually seething at it even being labeled terrorism now, because even terrorists usually have a fundamental belief that fuels their actions. But what I am seeing is random and ruthless killing, not caring who they kill to get media attention. Because in Nice last night and Paris, and Brussels, Muslim, Christian, Hindu, Buddhist, gay, straight, bi and trans alike were killed the same. No one was given a chance to state their faith or sexuality. This means it is not religious terrorism but mass random murder.
So regardless of faith, belief, sexuality and nationality, we the public to make stand and start sending a clear and blunt message to these violent bullies and our governments alike, that this is not the world we want to live in, we want a world of equality and justice for all. If we don't starting to join together for this simple common goal we are all in danger of living in this turmoil of violence until some one hits that button that will wipe most if not all of us off the planet.
It's time to take a deep breath, pause and think. We are close to if not already in, the 3rd world war in less than 150 years. A war that if it's allowed to continue will destroy or least permanently damage this world. Is it worth it, based on the fact most of us are allowing it to happen due to our own ignorance and intolerance. I know that's not the legacy I want to leave behind.
Thursday, 16 June 2016
Voting to return the humanity
This week is the nearest I wish to get to hell. On an international scale it has been filled with pointless murder. Whether it is a single pop singer, a dedicated MP, a club full of party goers or a single teen at the vigil of that massacre, or a even a head policeman in bed with his wife, this week has seen it all. And that not counting the poor people drowning in the Mediterranean trying to escape being murdered, the unnecessary violence and injury at the Euro football and so on.
To be honest I have nearly broken my poor phone for its constant stream of depressing human behaviour, but fortunately I am too ashamed of human violence to even release mine in such a futile manner. We dare to call ourselves a civilised world, well I am struggling to find any civility,humanity or compassion this week. All I see is mindless violence being masked behind labels such as religion or politics. Well excuse my french, but that's bollocking, there is no excuse,it is nothing but mindless hatred. It's not a phobia or even fear it's hate pure and simply. In fact it is all based on hate fuelled by either jealousy or worse lies.
I can't stand intolerance of any kind, so none of these murderers, and that's what they are,, are getting an ounce of my sympathy. If you dislike a sexuality, religion or politics, so what ! Do what the rest of normal humans do, suck it up and move on.
Some of my longest standing friends and I disagree over politics and religion, we don't plan ways to kill each other, depending on our moods we either debate it out, or just other days don't even think about it. Maybe because most of our friendships were based at a time we had no understanding of such matters, we seem to be able to focus on other matters in life. But then that raises the question, hatred by default must be not necessarily created but instead fuelled by our nurturing. Not just in the family home, but by our eduction, political influences, media stream even the places we work. Just look at the behaviour at the Euro football, would these people be acting this way but for the banner they are meeting in. I very much doubt it, it is a group mindset that is fuelled by man encouraging man that this is acceptable behaviour.
Well I got new for you all IT'S NEVER ACCEPTABLE! It wasn't in the 70's when I grew up with the active threat of the IRA blowing us up. It wasn't acceptable in 60's when man was defined by the colour of his skin, where he could travel or live and it definitely isn't now. I don't want to be remembered as part of the generation that lived through the nearest thing to world war 3 I want to think about and allowed it to be fuelled by complacently. Sod it I would rather die, being shot it a club with fellow human unfazed by they sexuality or being attacked because I actually stood up and said what I believed in, than wimper in the corner to save my own neck.
I know it's easy to say but it's the only way forward. The only way these murders will every make sense is to not allowed these people to die in vain. People need to stand together and demand that this hatred and intolerance be a unacceptable to our society, our world even as other crimes we have fought for over the years. Don't hide behind any label but accept the one we all should live by, HUMANITY.
To be honest I have nearly broken my poor phone for its constant stream of depressing human behaviour, but fortunately I am too ashamed of human violence to even release mine in such a futile manner. We dare to call ourselves a civilised world, well I am struggling to find any civility,humanity or compassion this week. All I see is mindless violence being masked behind labels such as religion or politics. Well excuse my french, but that's bollocking, there is no excuse,it is nothing but mindless hatred. It's not a phobia or even fear it's hate pure and simply. In fact it is all based on hate fuelled by either jealousy or worse lies.
I can't stand intolerance of any kind, so none of these murderers, and that's what they are,, are getting an ounce of my sympathy. If you dislike a sexuality, religion or politics, so what ! Do what the rest of normal humans do, suck it up and move on.
Some of my longest standing friends and I disagree over politics and religion, we don't plan ways to kill each other, depending on our moods we either debate it out, or just other days don't even think about it. Maybe because most of our friendships were based at a time we had no understanding of such matters, we seem to be able to focus on other matters in life. But then that raises the question, hatred by default must be not necessarily created but instead fuelled by our nurturing. Not just in the family home, but by our eduction, political influences, media stream even the places we work. Just look at the behaviour at the Euro football, would these people be acting this way but for the banner they are meeting in. I very much doubt it, it is a group mindset that is fuelled by man encouraging man that this is acceptable behaviour.
Well I got new for you all IT'S NEVER ACCEPTABLE! It wasn't in the 70's when I grew up with the active threat of the IRA blowing us up. It wasn't acceptable in 60's when man was defined by the colour of his skin, where he could travel or live and it definitely isn't now. I don't want to be remembered as part of the generation that lived through the nearest thing to world war 3 I want to think about and allowed it to be fuelled by complacently. Sod it I would rather die, being shot it a club with fellow human unfazed by they sexuality or being attacked because I actually stood up and said what I believed in, than wimper in the corner to save my own neck.
I know it's easy to say but it's the only way forward. The only way these murders will every make sense is to not allowed these people to die in vain. People need to stand together and demand that this hatred and intolerance be a unacceptable to our society, our world even as other crimes we have fought for over the years. Don't hide behind any label but accept the one we all should live by, HUMANITY.
In or Out do we really have a choice
Before you switch off I am not going to use this to attempt influence a person's decision to cast their vote. It is more a question. How are we meant to make a choice when all the voting public has been given in information is nothing more than playground mud slinging.
The problem is it is no longer this referendum, but all elections, including the latest mayoral election in London. But it's even further effective the same thing is going on in the USA and their election. Where the mud slinging has been reduced to racial stereotyping and scoring points over their views on gun control, based on the painful massacre in Orlando.
So I ask the question not nationally but internationally, how can we justify our so called democracy when our election's are based on often guess work, or betting on the less evil. How come we can choice a party but in some cases not it's leader? How can election be deemed as a fair voice of the people when at times only a 1/3 of its population bother to even vote, and yet the result we all have to live with for years at a time. More interesting how come citizens but not residents can vote. People who are in the system, pay tax and social security, have indefinite leave to remain, but choice to keep their roots, they have no say in the country they live and work in?
To be truthful the whole thing stinks of corruption and can barely be called democracy. Any election that allows people to shout at it other in barges across the Thames, or in another country completely stereo type a person by their religion, and then call for a blanket ban on that religion, (especially when their so called land of the free is based on mass imigration). Sorry but it sounds to me like democracy is becoming as unworkable and as idealistic as true Marxism.
So while I am not going to tell you who to vote for,that's the whole point, it is meant to be YOUR choice, I am going to pass on a few points of wisdom I was given at high school about the voting process.
1. YOU HAVE A VOTE, so use it. If unable to vote in person there is postal voting, on voting by proxy. People of different demographic groups have had to fight hard over the years to get us the right to vote. We owe them that at least.
2 GET INFORMED. If you do see the answers to the questions that effect you , ask them to the relevant parties you are interested in. If they won't bother to answer you then do you really want that person or party representing you?
3 USE YOUR VOICE. Remember no matter what party the person who is elected for your area is, they still have to act for their area. If you need their assistance, even if you didn't vote for them, they are still obligated to act for you. If you're in doubt of their ability or ethical behaviour, question it.
At the end of the day we aren't getting the results with democracy, because we are becoming complacent about it. If you don't stand up and use your vote, you really have no right to criticise when it all goes wrong. We have got much of a choice at the moment, in a time when the world needs all the help it can get, but the only way we can change it is to start to use the system properly, and start making it work for the people and not the other way round.
The problem is it is no longer this referendum, but all elections, including the latest mayoral election in London. But it's even further effective the same thing is going on in the USA and their election. Where the mud slinging has been reduced to racial stereotyping and scoring points over their views on gun control, based on the painful massacre in Orlando.
So I ask the question not nationally but internationally, how can we justify our so called democracy when our election's are based on often guess work, or betting on the less evil. How come we can choice a party but in some cases not it's leader? How can election be deemed as a fair voice of the people when at times only a 1/3 of its population bother to even vote, and yet the result we all have to live with for years at a time. More interesting how come citizens but not residents can vote. People who are in the system, pay tax and social security, have indefinite leave to remain, but choice to keep their roots, they have no say in the country they live and work in?
To be truthful the whole thing stinks of corruption and can barely be called democracy. Any election that allows people to shout at it other in barges across the Thames, or in another country completely stereo type a person by their religion, and then call for a blanket ban on that religion, (especially when their so called land of the free is based on mass imigration). Sorry but it sounds to me like democracy is becoming as unworkable and as idealistic as true Marxism.
So while I am not going to tell you who to vote for,that's the whole point, it is meant to be YOUR choice, I am going to pass on a few points of wisdom I was given at high school about the voting process.
1. YOU HAVE A VOTE, so use it. If unable to vote in person there is postal voting, on voting by proxy. People of different demographic groups have had to fight hard over the years to get us the right to vote. We owe them that at least.
2 GET INFORMED. If you do see the answers to the questions that effect you , ask them to the relevant parties you are interested in. If they won't bother to answer you then do you really want that person or party representing you?
3 USE YOUR VOICE. Remember no matter what party the person who is elected for your area is, they still have to act for their area. If you need their assistance, even if you didn't vote for them, they are still obligated to act for you. If you're in doubt of their ability or ethical behaviour, question it.
At the end of the day we aren't getting the results with democracy, because we are becoming complacent about it. If you don't stand up and use your vote, you really have no right to criticise when it all goes wrong. We have got much of a choice at the moment, in a time when the world needs all the help it can get, but the only way we can change it is to start to use the system properly, and start making it work for the people and not the other way round.
Friday, 3 June 2016
My favourite reads
Having seen the last tread in top ten reads of various people in the public eye I thought I would share my favourites, some familiar some less so, and maybe people can share their choice reads in return. These are in no particular order and I am not restricting myself to ten as I am mixing up fiction, biography, poetry etc.
1. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
One of many classics on my list. I don't know what drew me to this originally but it has become one of the few true love stories, that needs a social reality to add to its magic.
2. Alice in wonderland/ through the looking glass - Lewis Carroll I grew up on the poetry in these books, and as an adult became more aware of its complex themes. To the point I rarely go anywhere without a copy of this book.
3. Metaphysical poetry - various my introduction to complex poetry, being given this to read at 16 years old was one the biggest eye openers in my life.
4. Postcards from the edge - Carrie Fisher. The quickest wit I have ever read, its self depreciation at its best under the guise of fiction.
5. Nobody gets out of here alive - Jerry Hopkins, Danny Sugerman. I stumbled over this book in my late teens, when my own mortality was at risk, and something in this book clicked. As good a biography of Jim Morris on as I can find.
6. Different Seasons - Stephen King. This was the first king novel or novellas rather,I read and being broken into 4 stories makes it relevant to read what ever the mood. It has been made into three maybe four different yet successfully films for very good reason, every story has a depth unusual for such a short story.
7. The Stand - Stephen King. My other favourite novel by this author (although I have another two I am particularly fond of). This is your typical good verses evil novel, written in a world we can all relate to.
8. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte. I never thought I'd truly understand this novel, until I spent a week on the moors, doing nothing but reading writing and filming. Suddenly the depths of this book became clear, beyond the romantic and into the study of nature.
9. Twelfth Night - Shakespeare. Humour aplenty, and a great introduction to the bards work. It was the second play I read of his and my favourite for so many reasons, with Taming of the Shrew coming a close second.
10. Actors Anonymous - James Franco. Rapidly becoming a stable in my choice authors this novel takes the glitz of Hollywood and strips it bare to show the reality in its maggot ride beauty.
11. Don Juan - Lord Byron. Little can be said about this, that hasn't be said before, but there is a verse for every man in this book.
12. North and South - John James. This is a 3 novel story about the American civil war from the points of two friends one of which is southerner the other a northerner. Romantic history at its best.
13. Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse. one man's spiritual journey, becomes a journey for you the reader.
14.The Matthew Swift series - Kathy Griffin. If it is possible to write a harry potter series for adults then this is it. Set in London it's reality makes the fantasy more acceptable.
15. Chronicles of Narnia - C S Lewis. I never could understand the fussy over The Hobbit when I had already read these. I just love the imagery and the hidden or not not so hidden sub messages.
This is my selection it's by no means complete but it's a good start.
1. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
One of many classics on my list. I don't know what drew me to this originally but it has become one of the few true love stories, that needs a social reality to add to its magic.
2. Alice in wonderland/ through the looking glass - Lewis Carroll I grew up on the poetry in these books, and as an adult became more aware of its complex themes. To the point I rarely go anywhere without a copy of this book.
3. Metaphysical poetry - various my introduction to complex poetry, being given this to read at 16 years old was one the biggest eye openers in my life.
4. Postcards from the edge - Carrie Fisher. The quickest wit I have ever read, its self depreciation at its best under the guise of fiction.
5. Nobody gets out of here alive - Jerry Hopkins, Danny Sugerman. I stumbled over this book in my late teens, when my own mortality was at risk, and something in this book clicked. As good a biography of Jim Morris on as I can find.
6. Different Seasons - Stephen King. This was the first king novel or novellas rather,I read and being broken into 4 stories makes it relevant to read what ever the mood. It has been made into three maybe four different yet successfully films for very good reason, every story has a depth unusual for such a short story.
7. The Stand - Stephen King. My other favourite novel by this author (although I have another two I am particularly fond of). This is your typical good verses evil novel, written in a world we can all relate to.
8. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte. I never thought I'd truly understand this novel, until I spent a week on the moors, doing nothing but reading writing and filming. Suddenly the depths of this book became clear, beyond the romantic and into the study of nature.
9. Twelfth Night - Shakespeare. Humour aplenty, and a great introduction to the bards work. It was the second play I read of his and my favourite for so many reasons, with Taming of the Shrew coming a close second.
10. Actors Anonymous - James Franco. Rapidly becoming a stable in my choice authors this novel takes the glitz of Hollywood and strips it bare to show the reality in its maggot ride beauty.
11. Don Juan - Lord Byron. Little can be said about this, that hasn't be said before, but there is a verse for every man in this book.
12. North and South - John James. This is a 3 novel story about the American civil war from the points of two friends one of which is southerner the other a northerner. Romantic history at its best.
13. Siddhartha - Hermann Hesse. one man's spiritual journey, becomes a journey for you the reader.
14.The Matthew Swift series - Kathy Griffin. If it is possible to write a harry potter series for adults then this is it. Set in London it's reality makes the fantasy more acceptable.
15. Chronicles of Narnia - C S Lewis. I never could understand the fussy over The Hobbit when I had already read these. I just love the imagery and the hidden or not not so hidden sub messages.
This is my selection it's by no means complete but it's a good start.
Tuesday, 26 April 2016
What is wrong with 2016
Is it just me or is there something going on? Every time I dare to brave the news (which is fairly frequently) I seem to be greeted with the news that yet another icon has died. So far this year I feel as if I have lost a good 30% of my own personal icons. Rickman, Bowie, Corbett, Wood and now Prince, it feels like everyone is checking out of planet earth.
But to be truthful, it isn't just celebrities that seem to be dropping like flies, it's in my day to day life as well, in January alone I ended up at 4 different funerals, some not unexpected, but some were too young, and heard of a further 3 connected with friends. It has me unnerved to say the least. I dread hearing news I know I can't deal with, but with this pattern I am half expecting it.
Which raises the question, what has gone wrong this year? Is it the backlash of weird weather culling the weak? Some astrological pattern as some papers have dared to report? Or even the rapture (check revelations). Or is it simply we are more in contact with the world and thus obtain the news with in an obscene amount of time from expiration. And yes I do mean it like that. Much as I like to be in tune with the world, some of the speed of reporting deaths of a celebrity feel to me like complete intrusion. We are almost notified the moment the poor person passes their last breath.
In some cases this is so sudden and unexpected that those around them don't even have the time needed to collect their own thoughts before half the world's media is camped outside their respective residents and demanding a sound bite. Hardly the most respectful way to conduct the report, or even notify what in many cases seems to be news of emotional influence.
While what seems to be happening this year is a major blow to the arts world, the way the media is choosing to document it feels like it is cheapening the whole situation. Whether you knew a person or not, their influence on a person can not be measured on mass. A song, program, play even film can hold quantifying memories to an in divulge, and to just throw out the news dead, without substance or quality reporting is to disregard any emotional investment. Now I am not saying we the paying public have rights on the private lives on anyone in the media eye, in fact far from it, but we have the responsibility and right to pay homage to the loss of talent without it becoming a media sandstorm of who has the best tag line. At the moment I raise my hat to the family of Prince, who have embraced the mourning fans and allowed them to share the grief of loss, whilst still managing a private cremation. Yet others haven't been so lucky and instead are overwhelmed by the news and media circus that seems to accompany it.
Like I said I follow the news as avidly as the next person, but having been touched by grief myself this year, I can't help but feel sick at the treatment the press are giving, to get the headline. 2016 seems to be a bad year for loss, and for that we can do little other than pay our respects regardless of who it is. Let's not also make it a year of greed, remember one persons headline, is another's grief and despair
But to be truthful, it isn't just celebrities that seem to be dropping like flies, it's in my day to day life as well, in January alone I ended up at 4 different funerals, some not unexpected, but some were too young, and heard of a further 3 connected with friends. It has me unnerved to say the least. I dread hearing news I know I can't deal with, but with this pattern I am half expecting it.
Which raises the question, what has gone wrong this year? Is it the backlash of weird weather culling the weak? Some astrological pattern as some papers have dared to report? Or even the rapture (check revelations). Or is it simply we are more in contact with the world and thus obtain the news with in an obscene amount of time from expiration. And yes I do mean it like that. Much as I like to be in tune with the world, some of the speed of reporting deaths of a celebrity feel to me like complete intrusion. We are almost notified the moment the poor person passes their last breath.
In some cases this is so sudden and unexpected that those around them don't even have the time needed to collect their own thoughts before half the world's media is camped outside their respective residents and demanding a sound bite. Hardly the most respectful way to conduct the report, or even notify what in many cases seems to be news of emotional influence.
While what seems to be happening this year is a major blow to the arts world, the way the media is choosing to document it feels like it is cheapening the whole situation. Whether you knew a person or not, their influence on a person can not be measured on mass. A song, program, play even film can hold quantifying memories to an in divulge, and to just throw out the news dead, without substance or quality reporting is to disregard any emotional investment. Now I am not saying we the paying public have rights on the private lives on anyone in the media eye, in fact far from it, but we have the responsibility and right to pay homage to the loss of talent without it becoming a media sandstorm of who has the best tag line. At the moment I raise my hat to the family of Prince, who have embraced the mourning fans and allowed them to share the grief of loss, whilst still managing a private cremation. Yet others haven't been so lucky and instead are overwhelmed by the news and media circus that seems to accompany it.
Like I said I follow the news as avidly as the next person, but having been touched by grief myself this year, I can't help but feel sick at the treatment the press are giving, to get the headline. 2016 seems to be a bad year for loss, and for that we can do little other than pay our respects regardless of who it is. Let's not also make it a year of greed, remember one persons headline, is another's grief and despair
Wednesday, 20 April 2016
Get interested
Since January I have been pushing myself to read even more than usual. Which apart from leading to an epidemic of books all over the place, has thrust a few people into my awareness. People that until last year I may have only had heard of in passing and they in turn have created a domino effect on my literature boundaries.
Let me be clear I have always followed the arts and written since I was aware of such things (which according to my family was aged 3). But some how I had managed to miss the surname Franco till this year. I don't know how either, but I have a feeling this is going to divide my audience in half as especially James Franco seems to have a marmite affect on people, they either want to bed him or gag him if you follow social media. But having read what seems to be a mini library of writing, there isn't just one artist in the family, they all are in various mediums, whether it's author, artist, actor or director, and in some cases all the above.
So having started with one book, it lead me to a collection of writing, then other authors in the family and now completely unheard of authors that were inspiration to the first works.. That said this trail has also lead me to u tube and no not a load or illegally ripped movies, but instead book talks, university lectures, q & a sessions and similar. All of which reminded me I have an unfinished degree (blame my health), and my own paper forest of unread work that is cluttering files and doing the sum total of nothing except collecting dust and tripping me up.
Now I don't claim to have the talent of the multi degree holding man, or for that matter the outlet to publish it, but I do have the right and possibly the responsibility to give it the chance to see light of day. I also now am able to look back on said work and realise just how my own style has changed the more I have read and the more I have been exposed to . Leaving me with the question is not art in any form the right any one of us has to document our journey and share with others? It may result in nothing, but then again it's not my call to make, but the audiences.
In four months I have had my mind blown by poetry not unlike from my own thoughts, seen art work I would happily hang on my wall and live with daily, I have also had my faith in the human race disintegrate as I see the abuse and constant analysis of one persons sexuality rather than discussion of their work. My views on sexuality are well documented, and I'll say it again, that side of their life has nothing to do with general public, as it doesn't define a person. All these points has left me in a quandary, whether or not to bite the bullet and send my own work out into a world, that in the one hand loves success, and yet in the other wants your very soul for the honour. I would love to share, to get my work seen and shared, even help someone via it. But I don't want the grief of my life blasted on social media for every troll to think they know better. That however is my decision to make, and I believe it is one that will be made in the next month or so.
What I have taken away from this little discovery is the very fact that we should never stop learning and growing. That what we are now is not all we are. If that was the case we would all leave school at our respective ages and just go through the routine of living till we died, no progression or development. It is the people who constantly push for more that history favours, those who ask the unanswered questions or take the uncomfortable path.Just because you are an actor doesn't stop you becoming an educator, a writer or a painter, or because I am stuck grounded by my own demons, doesn't stop me reaching further afield, wanting and fighting for more out of my life. I may not be a position financially to finish my degree, but I can keep reading and learning extending my own boundaries till I find a place that is right for me.
If you were to ask me now what the best thing I learnt in the last four months is, I would be hard pressed to narrow it down to just one thing, but if you ask me to share anything from what I've learnt it's the quote below. Love me or hate me for it I can honestly say I am very pro James Franco, in all his work, purely because he is an artist in all senses of the rules. A person who is prepared to take the rule book and shred it, which in reality is the real definition of an artist. Some one who makes you question your own viewpoint on life and society whether it be sexuality, equality, addiction whatever. If he makes you uncomfortable, maybe it isn't he the artist who is at fault, but you the audience who is too stuck in your ways.
What I do next, well that's to be determined, my discovery of self, but may I suggest a little trip outside your comfort zone could be very enlightening.
"You want to get interesting... get interested" James Franco
Tuesday, 9 February 2016
Snap! alice revisited
Not probably what you are thinking, but I am now writing this from under my duvet awaiting husband to wake up and drive me to hospital. Not quite what a person needs at 3.30am, but welcome to my life. A simple walk down the stairs, no falling or slipping and my knee now looks like it was at the superbowl attached some strong receiver.Anyway in this pain addled state I have two choices, cry like a defeated baby ( which is what I really want to do) or write which is quieter and hopefully more productive. I've chosen the later and hopefully I get taken to hospital before this blog becomes something worthy of an Alice in wonderland dream.
Actually it probably will be just that as that's where my mind was going before I literally snapped to a pain driven state of intoxication with no alcohol. The symbolism of Alice and it's social relevance was what I was pondering. Mix in the fact we are now bereft of the calming tones of Alan Rickman as Absalom and you can probably tell where I going to start.
It is my love for the fore mentioned book and my appreciation for the Tim Burton interpretation that made me ask just how much of the book is now relevant again to society. Once you kick the obviously over the top, whimsy of the childish side if the book. The characters are actually very deep , if in fact very scathing, descriptions of social behaviour. Sure we all know the story of the mad hatter and what he represents, but it's some of the other characters I like to dig a litter deeper into.
Let's look at the White rabbit, a character that's easily identified on a physical level. However it's the personality I love. The constant state of panic and uncertainty that leads to the infamous line "I'm late". If you look at the social standing of the rabbit, he is neither gentry nor pauper, but there to symbolise what was a new social class of educated workers. His panic was derived from his own need to appease everyone as he knew not what he was. That was then, now a days he could easily be every administration worker the world over. In constant fear of targets and such like.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee are probably my least favourite characters of the series. Mainly because they represent the insipid side of social interaction. They are the sheep who only have any opinion if there is more than person to say it. They lack back bone but happily indulge in the profits of success. A characteristic we probably all witnessed in today's workplace.
Then there is the walrus and the carpenter oh these were such clever characters so easily overlooked. When perhaps they are the most developed and repulsive characters in the books. They happily lead the oysters to their death, for the benefit of no one but the walrus and the carpenter themselves I always suspected they were based on the mill owners of the time, but now I wonder if it was more to symbolise the government and their ways to entrap the masses to sacrifice themselves for the good of the nation. Either way these characters are actually very disturbing for any child's novel.
Then we end up at the wise (if dubiously stoned) caterpillar, or Absalom as the Burton film named him. Is he just the voice of reason concentrated into one character, or is he more? I suspect he is actually the journey of life itself hence the use of a pipe of sorts. The fact he is a caterpillar is the interesting bit, a creature of 4 very different stages of life, egg, caterpillar, larvae, butterfly. The egg is childhood , caterpillar, adulthood, larvae old age and the butterfly death? In which case he is the most symbolic character of all and the reason Alice listens to him.
Just in these few questions and thoughts I think you can see where I am getting my thought process from and why I feel this book us just a applicable now to adult and child alike as it was when it was written. If you agree with this or just want me to take this deeper with a deeper look at other character please comment, as I would love to go further especially with Cheshire cat.
But for now I'll leave you thinking on what I have, whilst I head off to my own little rabbit hole and pray I don't need to eat or drink anything from the room at the bottom of that rabbit hole
Actually it probably will be just that as that's where my mind was going before I literally snapped to a pain driven state of intoxication with no alcohol. The symbolism of Alice and it's social relevance was what I was pondering. Mix in the fact we are now bereft of the calming tones of Alan Rickman as Absalom and you can probably tell where I going to start.
It is my love for the fore mentioned book and my appreciation for the Tim Burton interpretation that made me ask just how much of the book is now relevant again to society. Once you kick the obviously over the top, whimsy of the childish side if the book. The characters are actually very deep , if in fact very scathing, descriptions of social behaviour. Sure we all know the story of the mad hatter and what he represents, but it's some of the other characters I like to dig a litter deeper into.
Let's look at the White rabbit, a character that's easily identified on a physical level. However it's the personality I love. The constant state of panic and uncertainty that leads to the infamous line "I'm late". If you look at the social standing of the rabbit, he is neither gentry nor pauper, but there to symbolise what was a new social class of educated workers. His panic was derived from his own need to appease everyone as he knew not what he was. That was then, now a days he could easily be every administration worker the world over. In constant fear of targets and such like.
Tweedledum and Tweedledee are probably my least favourite characters of the series. Mainly because they represent the insipid side of social interaction. They are the sheep who only have any opinion if there is more than person to say it. They lack back bone but happily indulge in the profits of success. A characteristic we probably all witnessed in today's workplace.
Then there is the walrus and the carpenter oh these were such clever characters so easily overlooked. When perhaps they are the most developed and repulsive characters in the books. They happily lead the oysters to their death, for the benefit of no one but the walrus and the carpenter themselves I always suspected they were based on the mill owners of the time, but now I wonder if it was more to symbolise the government and their ways to entrap the masses to sacrifice themselves for the good of the nation. Either way these characters are actually very disturbing for any child's novel.
Then we end up at the wise (if dubiously stoned) caterpillar, or Absalom as the Burton film named him. Is he just the voice of reason concentrated into one character, or is he more? I suspect he is actually the journey of life itself hence the use of a pipe of sorts. The fact he is a caterpillar is the interesting bit, a creature of 4 very different stages of life, egg, caterpillar, larvae, butterfly. The egg is childhood , caterpillar, adulthood, larvae old age and the butterfly death? In which case he is the most symbolic character of all and the reason Alice listens to him.
Just in these few questions and thoughts I think you can see where I am getting my thought process from and why I feel this book us just a applicable now to adult and child alike as it was when it was written. If you agree with this or just want me to take this deeper with a deeper look at other character please comment, as I would love to go further especially with Cheshire cat.
But for now I'll leave you thinking on what I have, whilst I head off to my own little rabbit hole and pray I don't need to eat or drink anything from the room at the bottom of that rabbit hole
Monday, 8 February 2016
Boys and their toys
This is one of those random blogs that has been churning in the back of my mind for a while. So I finally decided to just put it out there. I am only writing this from the female view, as guess what I am, but it is applicable to either sex. Nor am I making any assumptions regarding gender and hobby type.
I say that because the original idea of this post came from a comment made by Jay Leno on the now defunct version or of Top Gear, that he had only one wife and 150 + cars. He went on to say this was because he went home smelling of transmission fluid rather than cheap perfume. It got me thinking, whether it be cars, train sets, gardening or even ballroom dancing, in the past men and women have always had their own identity apart from the relationship or marriage they were in. Whether they participated alone or together was a personal choice, but these activities were a strong part of the persons identity.
I give for example my grandparents, my grandad was not just a keen and skilled musician, and carpenter, he also ballroom danced to competitive level with my grandmother and ice dance with his sister to similar level. On top of working very hard pre, during and post war. He was home when needed and active in the raising of his children. My grandmother also worked in her own right, yet she wrote poetry, was skilled in needlework, musical and incredibly well read. They had hobbies on top of all their day to day life and a marriage that last well beyond my grandmothers death, as my grand dad never remarried despite having offers. This idea of multiple hobbies was common those days, and for some reason two generations later I am living proof it continues. But for a lot of people those days are gone.
If they finish work they either hit the bar, head to the gym or slump in front of the TV, and end their day that way. Claiming they have no time or energy to do more. But is that the truth, or just the change in social expectations. More frightening is it this mundane existence that is leading to the social decline of the family was we know it, and even the health issues our dear government keeps highlighting. Gone are the days when a family would happily go to a child's recital just to enjoy it, now it's all what standard are they at, how they have improved and will it get them the kudos required for their level of education. A partner will justify their need to attend after work drinks, to keep in the playing of promotion etc. When all they are really doing is damaging their health and possibly heading dangerously into the mine field of work related affairs.
The idea of doing something regularly for fun or interest seems ,to be a forgotten art that society no longer has time for. Now I am not saying we need to return to Victorian times where women chatter and swoon and men retire for cigars and brandy, but there are values we do need to re asses. The dependence of technology to entertain us is really quite scary both mentally and physically. Office status can be reliant on know what happened on the latest reality show last night, rather than something that happened in the real world. This was a pattern I noticed when I was stuck in the office rat race. Often being ostracised from work interaction because I had no clue what TOWIE was, or the fact I had no intention of getting drunk after work as I would rather spend the time indulging in my own choice of past times.
Now I am not saying my life is perfect, in fact from it as my husband and I are on two different ends of this spectrum. For him a power cut causes tantrums as he can't watch his precious sport, when in reality it would do his health a great deal of benefit if he stopped 2 aching and started playing some. We are also suffering the constant suspicions of what the other is up to as there is no mutual ground of hobby enjoyment. Which is probably this post has been at the back of my mind for a long time. My husband has no understanding or interest of n watching a play, going to gallery or even watching motor sports in a muddy wet field. To be honest 6 have had a battle to get him to go to a museum with me later in the week and he was only moved by the temptation of a meal out.
This lack of wanting to see more do more for the fun of it baffles me, as it is great to bring something fresh to talk about within the family. Which then raises the question do families really talk any more? So the circle continues and we become less and less human and more and more robotic. If we become this devoid of emotional outlets we can find in hobbies and activities, adultery and family breakdown are going to be more and more common till we reach a point of social implosion.
Where as I am at a crossroads in my own life, I do know I would rather I had a partner who came home smelling of oil, or turps, covered in mud from gardening or callouses on their fingers from practising an instrument, than one who smells of the latest wine bar or worse some one else's cheap perfume. Maybe it's I time we slow down this great social revolution, and remember to reclaim what makes each one of us... us.
I say that because the original idea of this post came from a comment made by Jay Leno on the now defunct version or of Top Gear, that he had only one wife and 150 + cars. He went on to say this was because he went home smelling of transmission fluid rather than cheap perfume. It got me thinking, whether it be cars, train sets, gardening or even ballroom dancing, in the past men and women have always had their own identity apart from the relationship or marriage they were in. Whether they participated alone or together was a personal choice, but these activities were a strong part of the persons identity.
I give for example my grandparents, my grandad was not just a keen and skilled musician, and carpenter, he also ballroom danced to competitive level with my grandmother and ice dance with his sister to similar level. On top of working very hard pre, during and post war. He was home when needed and active in the raising of his children. My grandmother also worked in her own right, yet she wrote poetry, was skilled in needlework, musical and incredibly well read. They had hobbies on top of all their day to day life and a marriage that last well beyond my grandmothers death, as my grand dad never remarried despite having offers. This idea of multiple hobbies was common those days, and for some reason two generations later I am living proof it continues. But for a lot of people those days are gone.
If they finish work they either hit the bar, head to the gym or slump in front of the TV, and end their day that way. Claiming they have no time or energy to do more. But is that the truth, or just the change in social expectations. More frightening is it this mundane existence that is leading to the social decline of the family was we know it, and even the health issues our dear government keeps highlighting. Gone are the days when a family would happily go to a child's recital just to enjoy it, now it's all what standard are they at, how they have improved and will it get them the kudos required for their level of education. A partner will justify their need to attend after work drinks, to keep in the playing of promotion etc. When all they are really doing is damaging their health and possibly heading dangerously into the mine field of work related affairs.
The idea of doing something regularly for fun or interest seems ,to be a forgotten art that society no longer has time for. Now I am not saying we need to return to Victorian times where women chatter and swoon and men retire for cigars and brandy, but there are values we do need to re asses. The dependence of technology to entertain us is really quite scary both mentally and physically. Office status can be reliant on know what happened on the latest reality show last night, rather than something that happened in the real world. This was a pattern I noticed when I was stuck in the office rat race. Often being ostracised from work interaction because I had no clue what TOWIE was, or the fact I had no intention of getting drunk after work as I would rather spend the time indulging in my own choice of past times.
Now I am not saying my life is perfect, in fact from it as my husband and I are on two different ends of this spectrum. For him a power cut causes tantrums as he can't watch his precious sport, when in reality it would do his health a great deal of benefit if he stopped 2 aching and started playing some. We are also suffering the constant suspicions of what the other is up to as there is no mutual ground of hobby enjoyment. Which is probably this post has been at the back of my mind for a long time. My husband has no understanding or interest of n watching a play, going to gallery or even watching motor sports in a muddy wet field. To be honest 6 have had a battle to get him to go to a museum with me later in the week and he was only moved by the temptation of a meal out.
This lack of wanting to see more do more for the fun of it baffles me, as it is great to bring something fresh to talk about within the family. Which then raises the question do families really talk any more? So the circle continues and we become less and less human and more and more robotic. If we become this devoid of emotional outlets we can find in hobbies and activities, adultery and family breakdown are going to be more and more common till we reach a point of social implosion.
Where as I am at a crossroads in my own life, I do know I would rather I had a partner who came home smelling of oil, or turps, covered in mud from gardening or callouses on their fingers from practising an instrument, than one who smells of the latest wine bar or worse some one else's cheap perfume. Maybe it's I time we slow down this great social revolution, and remember to reclaim what makes each one of us... us.
My own private influence
Influences come from a lot of places and people, the usual like teacher's and people around us, from literature and film, from a piece of music or a leaf in the wind. Everyone has them and how we choose to use them is very much a personalised occurrence. But from my last few post particularly, but always dormant, I realise there are few influences I will never shake and by burying them I am lying to myself.
Now we are all very capable of lying to ourselves, and the majority of do just to survive this struggle called life. But by lying we are hurting only yourself. Influences are guiding or warning forces in our life. They are meant to remind us what choices we have and the alternative paths we could follow. Yet so often we close our ears to the quiet whispers and follow the yelling voice like a sheep.
You may wonder where I am going with this and how it applies to the title, it's simple. I am more and more aware the harder I shut out a whispering voice of my youth, the more it is actually relevant in my life, private, public and creativity. The loud voices I have always followed are becoming less and less relevant. Not just in the blatantly obvious way, but in the subverting and deviant way. The joke is this influence was one that scared me and freaked me. I was uncomfortable not just with the fact that this was even an influence, that it had any revealed to me apart from people involved, but now 20 (cough) years later, I am learning to listen to the whisper of its real influences.
The needle that pricked me to this realisation is the fact I have found others have also found similarly strong influences from the same thing and they have acted on it, which has subsequently creating a greater good for other. I know I am being ambiguous about it all, and I am doing so very consciously. If you ask why I will never tell ad it could add a superficial level for some people and trust me at the moment I am very much not working on nor have time for the superficial. Call me self absorbed if you want, I don't care, but it's the message not the story I want your attention on.
At the end of the day it's the whisper not the yell that will influence you the longest.
Now we are all very capable of lying to ourselves, and the majority of do just to survive this struggle called life. But by lying we are hurting only yourself. Influences are guiding or warning forces in our life. They are meant to remind us what choices we have and the alternative paths we could follow. Yet so often we close our ears to the quiet whispers and follow the yelling voice like a sheep.
You may wonder where I am going with this and how it applies to the title, it's simple. I am more and more aware the harder I shut out a whispering voice of my youth, the more it is actually relevant in my life, private, public and creativity. The loud voices I have always followed are becoming less and less relevant. Not just in the blatantly obvious way, but in the subverting and deviant way. The joke is this influence was one that scared me and freaked me. I was uncomfortable not just with the fact that this was even an influence, that it had any revealed to me apart from people involved, but now 20 (cough) years later, I am learning to listen to the whisper of its real influences.
The needle that pricked me to this realisation is the fact I have found others have also found similarly strong influences from the same thing and they have acted on it, which has subsequently creating a greater good for other. I know I am being ambiguous about it all, and I am doing so very consciously. If you ask why I will never tell ad it could add a superficial level for some people and trust me at the moment I am very much not working on nor have time for the superficial. Call me self absorbed if you want, I don't care, but it's the message not the story I want your attention on.
At the end of the day it's the whisper not the yell that will influence you the longest.
Sunday, 7 February 2016
Who the hell am I? and how do I write
I have not become totally narcissistic, in fact the total opposite. I hate my picture taken. But actually trying to write anything constructive involves surprisingly a lot of reading. Fortunately that is something I do enjoy immensely, and by doing so I have stumbled across an artist who for what of a better word intrigues me. I am not going to name drop who the person is or give any other clues, but say it is one statement they made that caused this post. A comment about not trusting anyone who doesn't show their face on social media when posting.
Now me being me, has to take this one step further. It's just who I am, get over it, I thought I would give you a brief insight into how I look and what really happens when I try to put my voice forward. Below are a few scattered images of me mid thought or writing, the physical process and a token shot of some of the obstacles I have when writing. Trust me they're obstacles at 2am when I am trying to put the world rights and they want to steal my corn chips.
I am English despite some of my sayings, taste and opinions, I blame having an American husband for that. Yet I run on international time especially when posting, mainly because I let ideas fester before I put the final result down. Especially if it is news based, I try to get multiple countries opinions before I say anything. This is taken to the extreme by the fact I sleep with a news channel on the TV. Not a particularly healthy habit I know, but it works for me.
How I would advise anyone who embarks on any creative activity is fairly simple. Always have a pen and paper with you. You never know when a thought, picture or phrase will inspire you. I never thought I was organised but I never leave home without these bits, then I can always expand on things that affect me when I get home. I do the same at home nearly always jotting notes down and going back to them when I have the time to do it justice. Fortunately on this day and age most phones have camera's on, as sometimes a picture is all you need to inspire a thought and my phone is littered with random shots because of this.
I would love to say I am a highly structured human being, but much as I hate to admit it I am far from it. Which is probably why I have never finished anything longer that a full book outline. My length of concentration is of measured by the noise in the house and amount of coffee and cigarettes available. Which even by my own admission is pretty bad. But it works for me, and my old writing tutor did say you have to find what works for you. By the same breath I can't work in total silence quite often as not both the TV and my mp3 player are going at the same time as I am writing. Subconsciously it helps me focus on what I am actually writing about. It's how I I got through years of university. But that's just me , other people need total silence and can't stand how I work.
Anyway those are my top tips on working, the why should be apparent in what I write about. The resonance is a question I still seek the answer to, and drives my ambition. If I am not writing, reading, performing or something I realise I am no longer me. A trait I have in the past try to suppress and with almost tragic outcomes as I nearly lost my mind. So I won't be doing that again any time soon. Although I have to admit there are times writing a blog takes a back seat to another project I am working on as I only have one set of hands.
Anyway back to my new found inspiration. Some one out there had a drive that has made me look close and hard at myself. Am I doing enough? Could I do more? And should I push myself. You can guess what the answers to those questions and while I accept I will never have their success or audience, I found in seeing others do it I can free myself to be me. If people like it so be it, if not not harm. But for every page you get to read there is ten times of unseen material in one medium or another unseen. That raises many issues with me, should I release the other work, or even push to get my work really out there? That's a process I am trying to resolve this year. Whether to try and get some of my unseen work into the mass market.
For me the Internet is as much a curse as a blessing, anyone can write or compose in their bed room, and anyone else can find it. But is thus helping or hindering a person's ability to get true reactions to their own ability? I don't know, but I am going to try and find out. For now have a laugh at the pictures below, it may be the only time you get to put a face to the voice.
A letter to myself
I have seen so many famous people do this to their 16 year old self. It got me thinking, never a good thing, so I thought long and hard about various stages of my life and decided to do four letters, 6, 16, 26 and 36. I choose these ages very carefully as the letters will make very clear. The one thing I will say is please be warned this is not going to be easy reading at times but things I need to say to myself.
Dear me aged 6,
So you are at school number two already, and already feeling the pressure of societies labelling. The next two years are going to be the hardest. You already have suspicions of people's really intentions, and unfortunately your worse fears and more will become a reality that will mark the rest of your life physically and mentally.
That said you do get a reprieve, and a move to somewhere that has faith in you. So grit your teeth and prove the critics wrong. Remember very moment of pain now will become fuel for the rest of your life. You will become resilient and tenacious, both talents that will in fact and quite literally save your life more times than I wish to remember.
For now focus on the positives, throw yourself into the acting and church stuff away from education. They will become more useful than that painting that has been criticised and laughed at.
Oh and there is a good reason why you don't make the grade with gymnastics, don't worry if you had continued down that path you would have had more problems. Just get through the next two years, you will get a break, granted temporary, and time will dilute the flashbacks.
Your 43 year old self.
Dear 16 year old me,
You have escaped at last, no longer is education going to be a swear word to you. In fact anything else that you do study wise is going to inspire you further. All that pain is now behind you, so learn to smile again. College is going to be a blast and a great eye opener. You will learn to renew old friends and discover so much.
You are about to really experience all performance, professionally. Grab every opportunity with both hands and enjoy. The rewards will be amazing and you will carry with you for ever.
You are also going have to grow up very quickly, you will suddenly expected to become the adult for all those around you, but don't worry you cope admirably, just don't think, act on impulse, you will be fine. It will be scary and there is going to be pain at the end, but enjoy every moment of the next 10 years and hold them dear.
Oh and I am sorry to say you are going to also find out just how fragile your health really is. You are not indestructible, and it's going to get hairy at times, but it does resolve it's self for a while. Long enough to do what you are looking forward to.
Love me 43
Dear me at 26
You are in pain, and believe me you are not having your smartest moments. You are making choices that could kill you, and dam nearly do emotionally. You are seeking instant gratification in everything. I want to scream stop it at you, but I know that's pointless as you need to learnt these lessons the hard way. By doing so you will find that inner strength you will need.
On the good side you also find out how smart you are and get yourself into university, just a shame you will never complete it, but that isn't your fault. It is life and it's warped sense of humour. Just enjoy the benefits of the time there, you will learn a lot and discover just how much you could do.
Home life is going to be very hard as it shatters many times over. You will get through and come out stronger. Just don't cling to what could have been it will drive you mad. Most of all make the most of day to day life, I'm sorry to say the next ten year's of near normality are all that's left. So grab every day of it, if you really want to dance all night do it, horse ride, go for it, oh and that ear issue will resolve.
Love me 43
Dear me 36,
Well you got married, that was a surprise. But it's not going to any fairytale, trust me. Don't think it's going to help anything because it won't. I would love to say it will work out, but I can't answer what I don't know.
You are in for a hard time, harder than anything you can imagine, and this time you are not going to bounce back, sorry but best forwarded. You are in for the fight for your life, but you do survive, at a cost. Enjoy the small pleasures like walking the dogs, dance training the kids and so on, because these days are very numbered.
I would say be kind to yourself work wise, but it's useless as you have this drive that will nearly kill you just to survive. Just remember there are times you just need to walk away with your head held high and screw the rest. There are some people out there that are just bitter and jealous.
Your career is nearly over as you know it, we are still working on that, but your life is going to follow a very different path. You will make new friends in strange places, and they accept the good with the bad, even when walking becomes hard. You develop a new coping pattern, it will work. Just stay strong, you will need it.
You have said goodbye to some very close relations, just remember they were even younger, you made it through where they could not, if nothing else you owe it to them to build on the good days.
Where are we going? Honestly I don't know, we are still working on the, just always have your camera, phone and pen and paper with you. Oh and please learn to pack your medication, trust me on that.
Me at 43
Dear me aged 6,
So you are at school number two already, and already feeling the pressure of societies labelling. The next two years are going to be the hardest. You already have suspicions of people's really intentions, and unfortunately your worse fears and more will become a reality that will mark the rest of your life physically and mentally.
That said you do get a reprieve, and a move to somewhere that has faith in you. So grit your teeth and prove the critics wrong. Remember very moment of pain now will become fuel for the rest of your life. You will become resilient and tenacious, both talents that will in fact and quite literally save your life more times than I wish to remember.
For now focus on the positives, throw yourself into the acting and church stuff away from education. They will become more useful than that painting that has been criticised and laughed at.
Oh and there is a good reason why you don't make the grade with gymnastics, don't worry if you had continued down that path you would have had more problems. Just get through the next two years, you will get a break, granted temporary, and time will dilute the flashbacks.
Your 43 year old self.
Dear 16 year old me,
You have escaped at last, no longer is education going to be a swear word to you. In fact anything else that you do study wise is going to inspire you further. All that pain is now behind you, so learn to smile again. College is going to be a blast and a great eye opener. You will learn to renew old friends and discover so much.
You are about to really experience all performance, professionally. Grab every opportunity with both hands and enjoy. The rewards will be amazing and you will carry with you for ever.
You are also going have to grow up very quickly, you will suddenly expected to become the adult for all those around you, but don't worry you cope admirably, just don't think, act on impulse, you will be fine. It will be scary and there is going to be pain at the end, but enjoy every moment of the next 10 years and hold them dear.
Oh and I am sorry to say you are going to also find out just how fragile your health really is. You are not indestructible, and it's going to get hairy at times, but it does resolve it's self for a while. Long enough to do what you are looking forward to.
Love me 43
Dear me at 26
You are in pain, and believe me you are not having your smartest moments. You are making choices that could kill you, and dam nearly do emotionally. You are seeking instant gratification in everything. I want to scream stop it at you, but I know that's pointless as you need to learnt these lessons the hard way. By doing so you will find that inner strength you will need.
On the good side you also find out how smart you are and get yourself into university, just a shame you will never complete it, but that isn't your fault. It is life and it's warped sense of humour. Just enjoy the benefits of the time there, you will learn a lot and discover just how much you could do.
Home life is going to be very hard as it shatters many times over. You will get through and come out stronger. Just don't cling to what could have been it will drive you mad. Most of all make the most of day to day life, I'm sorry to say the next ten year's of near normality are all that's left. So grab every day of it, if you really want to dance all night do it, horse ride, go for it, oh and that ear issue will resolve.
Love me 43
Dear me 36,
Well you got married, that was a surprise. But it's not going to any fairytale, trust me. Don't think it's going to help anything because it won't. I would love to say it will work out, but I can't answer what I don't know.
You are in for a hard time, harder than anything you can imagine, and this time you are not going to bounce back, sorry but best forwarded. You are in for the fight for your life, but you do survive, at a cost. Enjoy the small pleasures like walking the dogs, dance training the kids and so on, because these days are very numbered.
I would say be kind to yourself work wise, but it's useless as you have this drive that will nearly kill you just to survive. Just remember there are times you just need to walk away with your head held high and screw the rest. There are some people out there that are just bitter and jealous.
Your career is nearly over as you know it, we are still working on that, but your life is going to follow a very different path. You will make new friends in strange places, and they accept the good with the bad, even when walking becomes hard. You develop a new coping pattern, it will work. Just stay strong, you will need it.
You have said goodbye to some very close relations, just remember they were even younger, you made it through where they could not, if nothing else you owe it to them to build on the good days.
Where are we going? Honestly I don't know, we are still working on the, just always have your camera, phone and pen and paper with you. Oh and please learn to pack your medication, trust me on that.
Me at 43
Saturday, 6 February 2016
The reality of chronic illness and pain
If you glance down my posts you will realise although I have a reasonable life and hopefully a sharper brain, my existence is plagued with chronic illness. In my case more than one illness, which despite sounding over the top is not uncommon. Nor is this post a pity party asking for sympathy, far from it, as I have finally accepted the fact that the times my body decides to take leave of its ability to function, my brain seems to counteract and work twice as hard.
This sounds crazy but it is a truth that is becoming very useful. I have managed to read just under a book a day since Jan 1st and finally convert my notes into blog posts of some reason, if a little controversial. I have a new mini library on order in both book and dvd as I am using the time to maintain my brain functions.
But for all this light and happiness there is a darker side of chronic illness, a side that I face daily. The hardship of planning any form of life, of getting day to day functions done. Up to Thursday I was okay, not overly brilliant but manageable. Come that night it all went turtle quite literally, as my hip and lower back decided not to work with at all and I went down not once but twice in the space of two hours. The second time managing to add insult to injury by bringing a crate of books down on me and scrapping offending hip down a metal box. Subsequently I am now retired to my bed on doubled up medication, a lump on my head worthy of a hard boiled egg and a hip red raw swollen and in agony.
Now this is hardly ideal as I have plans for this week that I am determined to make, but worse still it occurs to me this is exactly what I have to justify to our wonderful benefits system. Twice every two years to perused some jumped up administrator with a list of tick boxes, that despite the fact I would actually love to return to work, and have twice as much as I do now, no person in their sane mind would consider me as I don't know from one hour to the next what is going to happen next, and whether I will even manage to stay conscious for 8 hours plus commute.
Now if my writing was rated in any way measurable I would consider trying to get published, but to be honest since the expanse of Internet that has become even harder to achieve, despite possessing volumes of written poetry and prose. There are many things I can do, but because it's same as an able body person who is any rational employer going to take the gamble on.
So here I am pondering the realisation that I am in a trap 22, one side can't not see the reason to ease of the pressure to make me normal, when normality won't accept me. That is the reality of living with chronic illness.
This sounds crazy but it is a truth that is becoming very useful. I have managed to read just under a book a day since Jan 1st and finally convert my notes into blog posts of some reason, if a little controversial. I have a new mini library on order in both book and dvd as I am using the time to maintain my brain functions.
But for all this light and happiness there is a darker side of chronic illness, a side that I face daily. The hardship of planning any form of life, of getting day to day functions done. Up to Thursday I was okay, not overly brilliant but manageable. Come that night it all went turtle quite literally, as my hip and lower back decided not to work with at all and I went down not once but twice in the space of two hours. The second time managing to add insult to injury by bringing a crate of books down on me and scrapping offending hip down a metal box. Subsequently I am now retired to my bed on doubled up medication, a lump on my head worthy of a hard boiled egg and a hip red raw swollen and in agony.
Now this is hardly ideal as I have plans for this week that I am determined to make, but worse still it occurs to me this is exactly what I have to justify to our wonderful benefits system. Twice every two years to perused some jumped up administrator with a list of tick boxes, that despite the fact I would actually love to return to work, and have twice as much as I do now, no person in their sane mind would consider me as I don't know from one hour to the next what is going to happen next, and whether I will even manage to stay conscious for 8 hours plus commute.
Now if my writing was rated in any way measurable I would consider trying to get published, but to be honest since the expanse of Internet that has become even harder to achieve, despite possessing volumes of written poetry and prose. There are many things I can do, but because it's same as an able body person who is any rational employer going to take the gamble on.
So here I am pondering the realisation that I am in a trap 22, one side can't not see the reason to ease of the pressure to make me normal, when normality won't accept me. That is the reality of living with chronic illness.
The elephant in the ....
Some where in the last month or so I have developed a lack of inclination to censor what I am really thinking. I guess the realisation that we are living in a dangerous time regarding world peace and religious tolerance has finally give me the kick to stand up for what I believe in.
Now I not going to start off on the evils of one religion verses another, apart from being totally inoffensive it actually achieves nothing, religion doesn't make wars man makes wars. Using any religion hide behind and justify any action is actually cowardice. I have my own beliefs and ones I am not prepared to inflict on anyone. But what I do get irate about is the lack of humanity we the human race are showing to one another. To be honest whether you worship God, Allah, Buddha or little green men, it means nothing if you are prepared to sit on your tail and allow other humans to die from pandemics we could have prevented, pollution we created or wars we all have opinions on.
But how many of us are prepared to glance at the media in what ever form, commentate and then settle back down to our dinner regardless. Thinking a few uttered words is enough. Well guess what folks, its not, the dangers have got all to real for us to just blame the government's shrug our shoulders and carry on as normal. Mainly because normality as we have known it is crumbling beneath our feet. I am not suggesting we oust our government in some medieval ritual or worse, but instead use our voices and opinions to kick the people who represent us, use our votes to make sure we are heard. Even vote by what we buy and where we buy it from, to ensure we are not financing what we don't believe in.
One man alone can not change the world, but he can sow the idea of possibilities, it's been done before Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln to name but a few have all done it, Gandhi did it bare foot without a weapon or shoes. In fact history has prove time and time again, it only takes one voice of reason to kick butt and get world United. Guess we are back to needing that, in a time when we are faced with the biggest mass migration of displaced people since the second world war, an epidemic threating the whole of the American continent, weather and geological activity that thinks nothing of destroying cities, are we really in a position to sit and navel gaze.
I always wanted to be in the public eye, not so much because I wanted the approval of the masses, although the high of a good performance beats any high I have ever found, but instead to have a voice people would listen to, a power and finances to enable the injustice of the world to be rebalanced. I am struggling daily to accept that there is nothing I can do, whether it be another migrant drowning, a disabled person losing all self respect to a over paid member of government or child born with life destroying disability because they were unfortunate enough to be born into poverty.
Yet else in the world we throw away hundreds of pounds of food daily, whine about a ridiculous settlement for a minor hiccup, or complain it takes an extra 10 minutes to get to work, because some one has actual got round to repairing a road. Have you actually watched the bodies in bags, historic buildings destroyed and other horrors that plague our daily existence.
Some wise person whose name, escapes me said the pen is mightier than the sword, and as a whole I agree with this, I have mealy replaced my pen with a keyboard. Nothing is ever achieved by just blowing things up and worse, it takes brains, education even to develop tolerance, chemistry for vaccination and so on. Unfortunately it also takes money, and that is the hard bit for all of us. But let me put it this way, is it not easier to donate to something like water aid or what ever you believe in £3 a month (ie 1 takeaway coffee), than face the horrid realisation that if we continue down the path we are on, whole nations will be wiped out, and if we get further into the war that's brewing rationing will have to return for nations to continue to survive.
I know it's not an easy read, and , but it's not meant to be. Sometimes it's a question needs to be raised, and guess what I just have.
Now I not going to start off on the evils of one religion verses another, apart from being totally inoffensive it actually achieves nothing, religion doesn't make wars man makes wars. Using any religion hide behind and justify any action is actually cowardice. I have my own beliefs and ones I am not prepared to inflict on anyone. But what I do get irate about is the lack of humanity we the human race are showing to one another. To be honest whether you worship God, Allah, Buddha or little green men, it means nothing if you are prepared to sit on your tail and allow other humans to die from pandemics we could have prevented, pollution we created or wars we all have opinions on.
But how many of us are prepared to glance at the media in what ever form, commentate and then settle back down to our dinner regardless. Thinking a few uttered words is enough. Well guess what folks, its not, the dangers have got all to real for us to just blame the government's shrug our shoulders and carry on as normal. Mainly because normality as we have known it is crumbling beneath our feet. I am not suggesting we oust our government in some medieval ritual or worse, but instead use our voices and opinions to kick the people who represent us, use our votes to make sure we are heard. Even vote by what we buy and where we buy it from, to ensure we are not financing what we don't believe in.
One man alone can not change the world, but he can sow the idea of possibilities, it's been done before Martin Luther King, Winston Churchill, Abraham Lincoln to name but a few have all done it, Gandhi did it bare foot without a weapon or shoes. In fact history has prove time and time again, it only takes one voice of reason to kick butt and get world United. Guess we are back to needing that, in a time when we are faced with the biggest mass migration of displaced people since the second world war, an epidemic threating the whole of the American continent, weather and geological activity that thinks nothing of destroying cities, are we really in a position to sit and navel gaze.
I always wanted to be in the public eye, not so much because I wanted the approval of the masses, although the high of a good performance beats any high I have ever found, but instead to have a voice people would listen to, a power and finances to enable the injustice of the world to be rebalanced. I am struggling daily to accept that there is nothing I can do, whether it be another migrant drowning, a disabled person losing all self respect to a over paid member of government or child born with life destroying disability because they were unfortunate enough to be born into poverty.
Yet else in the world we throw away hundreds of pounds of food daily, whine about a ridiculous settlement for a minor hiccup, or complain it takes an extra 10 minutes to get to work, because some one has actual got round to repairing a road. Have you actually watched the bodies in bags, historic buildings destroyed and other horrors that plague our daily existence.
Some wise person whose name, escapes me said the pen is mightier than the sword, and as a whole I agree with this, I have mealy replaced my pen with a keyboard. Nothing is ever achieved by just blowing things up and worse, it takes brains, education even to develop tolerance, chemistry for vaccination and so on. Unfortunately it also takes money, and that is the hard bit for all of us. But let me put it this way, is it not easier to donate to something like water aid or what ever you believe in £3 a month (ie 1 takeaway coffee), than face the horrid realisation that if we continue down the path we are on, whole nations will be wiped out, and if we get further into the war that's brewing rationing will have to return for nations to continue to survive.
I know it's not an easy read, and , but it's not meant to be. Sometimes it's a question needs to be raised, and guess what I just have.
See who I am
Now I guess this blog entry is going to divide what audience I have, but to be truthful I am beyond giving a dam. As a wise person once said I am old enough to do what I what and young enough to enjoy it. So I am going to tackle the elephant in the world
sexuality.
yep that one. The one that many would love to file into a couple of tidy little boxes and hide it away. Sorry I am not so Victorian (on other matters I maybe). There has been a long overdue sexual revolution with trans gender and gay finally accepted into mainstream. Like racism and standard sexism it took its sweet arse time getting there, but finally we are learning to accept things aren't so black and white. Life is meant to be colourful and this stark barriers we have created are long overdue an appointment with a wrecking ball. Especially as they are standards proved by nature to occur not just in humans but all animal species, so don't even start with the "it's a carnal sin" bit. I have found nothing in any religion that persecutes animals for being fay, so why apply it to man or woman.
What I really am glad to see and would happily promote is the title fluid sexuality. The sooner they put that on some statistic tick box I will be ticking that. Why, you may ask, especially as superficial am typical WASP, but that's just my point, it's superficial. I may be married etc, but it doesn't define my soul status, or limit my horizons. I don't believe I am capable to define my love by gender let alone person, and maybe I have done myself more damage by marrying, as I have encased myself. Fluid sexuality in its rawest state means you love the soul, not the physical she'll, and isn't that what we are meant to do. As consenting adults we should stop the selfie culture of focusing on the shell and dig a little deeper into what sex is?
Before I get a lot of wise comments about the biology of sex reread what I have just said. I am talking about the inner conception between souls. The ability to be so intense with another you are one the same wave length, you don't need vocal language, or you can sense their pain miles away. That is real sex, sod the physical that's just the carnal pleasure and not the whole package. In fact the bodily action of inter course is so boring at times it becomes irrelevant. Sure it can be mind blowing when it reaches near perfection, but in reality how many times can you really say you have achieved that state of carnal bliss. The chances of reaching such euphoria are just as can be as easily achieved on a deeper spiritual level, and often a greater high.
By now I bet a few of my friends are bracing themselves for something scary if they are reading this, no I am not coming out as gay, again I wouldn't want to limit myself. Not that I feel that's wrong, if you are 100% straight or gay then I applaud you too, I just can no longer say I am 100% anything. That's my point, I really wonder how many people really are?
The reason I choose to start writing this has been brewing on my mind. Yes I follow a lot of performers and actors, and more and more I see their sexuality is an open mine field of free comments, criticism and trolling, and why? Are we that needy we have to label people. So many people are being judged by what others think they are or should be, when perhaps they are actually being more honest than the majority of society, may I draw your attention to Amber Heard, James Franco and Lily Rose Depp as examples. They have all addressed the matter head on fed up with the gossip. Although they may not have given an answer that meets the approval of the masses, they have given an answer that is their truth. An answer that they shouldn't need to give to be honest, as it's no ones dam business if we were to get real for a moment.
The truth as I see it is, and this from my limited performance experience, is that most performers, artists entertainers and similar, are actually more in tune with their own inner self or inner desire (ID), than the mainstream person, it's how a realistic performance is achieved. By this attachment and awareness of the ID, they are more relaxed in how they content with another being. Thus probably making them more truthful to themselves. How ever by default it makes them more open to being labelled or at least societies need to label.
So if there is one thing I ask you to be it's more open minded to the whole situation. Sexuality is a personal thing, that is so complex it can't be given justice in a label. Personally I have to live with the sword I through myself on, by trying to conform, which perhaps was my biggest mistake. I was too scared of being labelled by default, I rushed into gaining a different label and it has become my handcuffs. If I was ten years younger and a whole lot stronger I would have and should have said, I am neither straight nor gay but sexually fluid and proud of it.
sexuality.
yep that one. The one that many would love to file into a couple of tidy little boxes and hide it away. Sorry I am not so Victorian (on other matters I maybe). There has been a long overdue sexual revolution with trans gender and gay finally accepted into mainstream. Like racism and standard sexism it took its sweet arse time getting there, but finally we are learning to accept things aren't so black and white. Life is meant to be colourful and this stark barriers we have created are long overdue an appointment with a wrecking ball. Especially as they are standards proved by nature to occur not just in humans but all animal species, so don't even start with the "it's a carnal sin" bit. I have found nothing in any religion that persecutes animals for being fay, so why apply it to man or woman.
What I really am glad to see and would happily promote is the title fluid sexuality. The sooner they put that on some statistic tick box I will be ticking that. Why, you may ask, especially as superficial am typical WASP, but that's just my point, it's superficial. I may be married etc, but it doesn't define my soul status, or limit my horizons. I don't believe I am capable to define my love by gender let alone person, and maybe I have done myself more damage by marrying, as I have encased myself. Fluid sexuality in its rawest state means you love the soul, not the physical she'll, and isn't that what we are meant to do. As consenting adults we should stop the selfie culture of focusing on the shell and dig a little deeper into what sex is?
Before I get a lot of wise comments about the biology of sex reread what I have just said. I am talking about the inner conception between souls. The ability to be so intense with another you are one the same wave length, you don't need vocal language, or you can sense their pain miles away. That is real sex, sod the physical that's just the carnal pleasure and not the whole package. In fact the bodily action of inter course is so boring at times it becomes irrelevant. Sure it can be mind blowing when it reaches near perfection, but in reality how many times can you really say you have achieved that state of carnal bliss. The chances of reaching such euphoria are just as can be as easily achieved on a deeper spiritual level, and often a greater high.
By now I bet a few of my friends are bracing themselves for something scary if they are reading this, no I am not coming out as gay, again I wouldn't want to limit myself. Not that I feel that's wrong, if you are 100% straight or gay then I applaud you too, I just can no longer say I am 100% anything. That's my point, I really wonder how many people really are?
The reason I choose to start writing this has been brewing on my mind. Yes I follow a lot of performers and actors, and more and more I see their sexuality is an open mine field of free comments, criticism and trolling, and why? Are we that needy we have to label people. So many people are being judged by what others think they are or should be, when perhaps they are actually being more honest than the majority of society, may I draw your attention to Amber Heard, James Franco and Lily Rose Depp as examples. They have all addressed the matter head on fed up with the gossip. Although they may not have given an answer that meets the approval of the masses, they have given an answer that is their truth. An answer that they shouldn't need to give to be honest, as it's no ones dam business if we were to get real for a moment.
The truth as I see it is, and this from my limited performance experience, is that most performers, artists entertainers and similar, are actually more in tune with their own inner self or inner desire (ID), than the mainstream person, it's how a realistic performance is achieved. By this attachment and awareness of the ID, they are more relaxed in how they content with another being. Thus probably making them more truthful to themselves. How ever by default it makes them more open to being labelled or at least societies need to label.
So if there is one thing I ask you to be it's more open minded to the whole situation. Sexuality is a personal thing, that is so complex it can't be given justice in a label. Personally I have to live with the sword I through myself on, by trying to conform, which perhaps was my biggest mistake. I was too scared of being labelled by default, I rushed into gaining a different label and it has become my handcuffs. If I was ten years younger and a whole lot stronger I would have and should have said, I am neither straight nor gay but sexually fluid and proud of it.
Sunday, 17 January 2016
Hard to say goodbye
The start of this year has been memorable for all the wrong reasons. Unless you have been back packing in the amazon or similar, you will be aware of all the celebrity deaths,, most of which were unexpected to the masses. Unfortunately in our house we are also dealing with the death of someone more close to home, but as it turns out even more private.
Now this may sound very morose and dark but after the last few weeks I have been through trying to pre empt problems and mediate opinions, if there is one thing I implore you to do, and that is write a plan of what you would prefer once you have left this mortal plane. Then give a copy to your next of kin or better still to a couple of people. It has been a nightmare trying to sort out not just the logistics of death but the planning of a service. Now I may be a little gothic in my belief that a funeral need to have some structure and dignity, but when you haven't got all the facts to plan a service, where else do you start.
I am not saying that you have to write out your entire service, but ideas for hymns readings even dress would be nice. To be truthful the only people who have benefited from the head in the sand attitude I am dealing with are nescafe and Benson and hedges. Grief, even more so over the festive season is painful enough, but added stress like this is even worse. Not because I want a grand affair, but because I am now suffering insomnia for fear of letting the person down. I have no bench mark or guidelines in which to plan. This already has caused disagreements within the planning party as to what is acceptable.
I would love to say this is a one off but 16 years ago I was in exactly the same position, to the point that our family split in half over opinions and only now have started to to talk to each other. Yet nothing seems to have been learnt from that experience. So come Friday, I am bracing myself for a repeat performance, wrecked with guilt, sorrow and now fear. But I know exactly what I am doing this week. Macabre as it may sound I am putting pen to paper and writing my requests down for others. So that no one else is left in the situation I am in again.
We have already lost too many people this year, and hopefully everyone can honour the losses in their own way, we don't ever expect or want to accept our time is limited. But me 2016 the year you at least accept that it helps the people left behind if you put it on paper what you want.
Now this may sound very morose and dark but after the last few weeks I have been through trying to pre empt problems and mediate opinions, if there is one thing I implore you to do, and that is write a plan of what you would prefer once you have left this mortal plane. Then give a copy to your next of kin or better still to a couple of people. It has been a nightmare trying to sort out not just the logistics of death but the planning of a service. Now I may be a little gothic in my belief that a funeral need to have some structure and dignity, but when you haven't got all the facts to plan a service, where else do you start.
I am not saying that you have to write out your entire service, but ideas for hymns readings even dress would be nice. To be truthful the only people who have benefited from the head in the sand attitude I am dealing with are nescafe and Benson and hedges. Grief, even more so over the festive season is painful enough, but added stress like this is even worse. Not because I want a grand affair, but because I am now suffering insomnia for fear of letting the person down. I have no bench mark or guidelines in which to plan. This already has caused disagreements within the planning party as to what is acceptable.
I would love to say this is a one off but 16 years ago I was in exactly the same position, to the point that our family split in half over opinions and only now have started to to talk to each other. Yet nothing seems to have been learnt from that experience. So come Friday, I am bracing myself for a repeat performance, wrecked with guilt, sorrow and now fear. But I know exactly what I am doing this week. Macabre as it may sound I am putting pen to paper and writing my requests down for others. So that no one else is left in the situation I am in again.
We have already lost too many people this year, and hopefully everyone can honour the losses in their own way, we don't ever expect or want to accept our time is limited. But me 2016 the year you at least accept that it helps the people left behind if you put it on paper what you want.
Thursday, 7 January 2016
traffic wardens and other jerks
Most of us drivers have suffered the indignity of a penalty notice stuck to our windscreen. To be honest I would say I deserved 90% of them, and up to yesterday only one stuck in my mind as totally unjust..But yesterday's ticket took the absolute biscuit and if I ever get hold of the "person", note the quote marks, who wrote it, I am in serious danger of doing bodily harm.
I, you see, are like a many others out there registered disabled complete with a blue badge, due to the fact my back and attachments are not necessarily on speaking terms with my brain. Those of us out there with these badges do get access to more accessible parking, supposedly! That is if it isn't already full of taxis, motorbikes, school run mums in a hurry, delivery lorries and every other jersey who abuses these spaces. There is a reason why we have access to such spaces, we can't walk as far or carry as much as the rest of the world. So where as some people struggle carrying their weekly shop back to their car, in my case a bottle of milk, loaf of bread, the paper and a small box of vegetable burgers has me yelping in pain to get back to the car. But if I wanted a cup of coffee it was non optional. After wasting 20 minutes and god knows what in fuel trying to find an empty space in these bays in a local high street.
Now these bays are sign posted disabled only and if everyone parks in the same direction you can get 4 possibly 5 cars in this space. However yesterday 3 cars managed to occupy the space parked in such a fashion a micra took the space of a limousine. I was not happy especially as I have a small little 2 seater. There are no white lines round the bays on the bays on the pavement only ripples in the pavement, which I now no means don't cross unless you want £110 bill. Now this is where I get really cross, when i parked a, I was the only blue badge in the bays.b, the bays rippled markers are on diagonals so unless the reliant Robin is on the return no normal shaped car fits on the ends, with in these lines, and c, my local borough must have employed a discriminatory twin of an Olympic sprinter.
It's the later point that really got me. Mainly because the law I now find is so variable it's a wonder we all don't have a direct debit going straight to our local parking authority. Now I ain't stupid with parking laws, as my hubby was one of these marshals till he saw the light. I even know enough to have successfully appalled one of those clamping firm tickets he obtained in the summer. But this one got me. Now most tickets a traffic warden has to observe the legal breech for 3 Min's before getting pen to paper, so all those jerks parked in the blue bays have a chance to escape. But apparently if your wheel so much as touches the wrong side of a textured kerb, no observation time is required, that ticket is yours. So I found out yesterday after 30 minutes in a phone queue to query this. Sod the fact that in the 15 minutes I was parked 6 yes 6 other cars were parked illegally in those bays, it me the the blue badge holder, forced to apart on the end bay that got the £110 ticket, or in English I can kiss good bye to 5th of my monthly income this month.
So tell me how the hell this is fair. I who can't walk to the 30 minute free bays that the other cars can use, gets a ticket because of actions of others. Why , if this is the case are there no white lines round these disabled bays showing the point of legality, why do you have bays in shapes cars can fit unless they either risk a ticket or worse losing the boot to the buses driving behind who don't care if they hit your over hanging arse.
And how the hell can a traffic warden can witness, write up a ticket stick it on my car and disappeared from sight in 3 minutes.. If they can move that fast we should win the 100 metres at Rio this year with them on team UK. Seriously though how come you can abuse a disabled bay and get a 3 minute grace to move your car, and of course 90% of those cars leave the driver in for just this reason. But if you are disabled don't you dare escape your pen or you will pay immediately, no grace allowed.
All this tells me is the laws, even on the road are still as prejudice as they were in the 1970's and we have the prodigal offspring of Hitler employed to crackling the whip. Sure I pay the dam ticket, but seriously I am going to jam up the system with paper work to make sure it isn't cost effective for them to receive the money.
Traffic wardens stop looking for the easy tickets and start ticketing the real jerks.
I, you see, are like a many others out there registered disabled complete with a blue badge, due to the fact my back and attachments are not necessarily on speaking terms with my brain. Those of us out there with these badges do get access to more accessible parking, supposedly! That is if it isn't already full of taxis, motorbikes, school run mums in a hurry, delivery lorries and every other jersey who abuses these spaces. There is a reason why we have access to such spaces, we can't walk as far or carry as much as the rest of the world. So where as some people struggle carrying their weekly shop back to their car, in my case a bottle of milk, loaf of bread, the paper and a small box of vegetable burgers has me yelping in pain to get back to the car. But if I wanted a cup of coffee it was non optional. After wasting 20 minutes and god knows what in fuel trying to find an empty space in these bays in a local high street.
Now these bays are sign posted disabled only and if everyone parks in the same direction you can get 4 possibly 5 cars in this space. However yesterday 3 cars managed to occupy the space parked in such a fashion a micra took the space of a limousine. I was not happy especially as I have a small little 2 seater. There are no white lines round the bays on the bays on the pavement only ripples in the pavement, which I now no means don't cross unless you want £110 bill. Now this is where I get really cross, when i parked a, I was the only blue badge in the bays.b, the bays rippled markers are on diagonals so unless the reliant Robin is on the return no normal shaped car fits on the ends, with in these lines, and c, my local borough must have employed a discriminatory twin of an Olympic sprinter.
It's the later point that really got me. Mainly because the law I now find is so variable it's a wonder we all don't have a direct debit going straight to our local parking authority. Now I ain't stupid with parking laws, as my hubby was one of these marshals till he saw the light. I even know enough to have successfully appalled one of those clamping firm tickets he obtained in the summer. But this one got me. Now most tickets a traffic warden has to observe the legal breech for 3 Min's before getting pen to paper, so all those jerks parked in the blue bays have a chance to escape. But apparently if your wheel so much as touches the wrong side of a textured kerb, no observation time is required, that ticket is yours. So I found out yesterday after 30 minutes in a phone queue to query this. Sod the fact that in the 15 minutes I was parked 6 yes 6 other cars were parked illegally in those bays, it me the the blue badge holder, forced to apart on the end bay that got the £110 ticket, or in English I can kiss good bye to 5th of my monthly income this month.
So tell me how the hell this is fair. I who can't walk to the 30 minute free bays that the other cars can use, gets a ticket because of actions of others. Why , if this is the case are there no white lines round these disabled bays showing the point of legality, why do you have bays in shapes cars can fit unless they either risk a ticket or worse losing the boot to the buses driving behind who don't care if they hit your over hanging arse.
And how the hell can a traffic warden can witness, write up a ticket stick it on my car and disappeared from sight in 3 minutes.. If they can move that fast we should win the 100 metres at Rio this year with them on team UK. Seriously though how come you can abuse a disabled bay and get a 3 minute grace to move your car, and of course 90% of those cars leave the driver in for just this reason. But if you are disabled don't you dare escape your pen or you will pay immediately, no grace allowed.
All this tells me is the laws, even on the road are still as prejudice as they were in the 1970's and we have the prodigal offspring of Hitler employed to crackling the whip. Sure I pay the dam ticket, but seriously I am going to jam up the system with paper work to make sure it isn't cost effective for them to receive the money.
Traffic wardens stop looking for the easy tickets and start ticketing the real jerks.
Tuesday, 5 January 2016
300 not out
So my 300th post is here, having taken a year's sabbatical and come back with a bang in the last post, I finally have got some direction. 2016 is going to be the year I say it as it is, like it or not. I spent a long time reviewing from afar and internally ranting at what some one people think it's socially acceptable to do.
From body shaming to public witch hunting, my view on society at the present moment can be only described in the following words, despair, infuriating and complete anger. Harsh words I know, but my relief at the moment is I have no children to raise into this world we live! That said I no feel no less responsible for the example we set the future generations.
What's worse is it doesn't seem to stop there, we have people in power who seem to have studied Victoria society and decided that's a good template to run the country by. I am waiting to hear that work houses are making a come back. As for my thoughts for the poor people flooded over the Christmas season, I am surprised that you can't hear me yelling at the news from down here.
Seriously as an individual and a weakened one at that, I know there is little I can achieve, accept perhaps get my voice and opinions heard. What I can snow ball from that, I don't know, but let's give it a try.lets see if via blogging and social media,, I and hopefully others like me can get the reinstatement of common sense and social standards.
I am not looking to move mountains here, but let's flatten a few mole hills. Now I gave up on new years resolutions a few years back, but there is a time for change and I for one think and believe that time starts now. It can start with the little things for us all, from thinking before we speak to how we react in front of other people and on social media.
There is a reason why newspapers in our house are called kitty litter liners, and doubt I need to spell it out. But that's how much we rate a lot of tabloid journalism here. Don get me wrong, I am new junkie, but the key word is news, I have little respect for stories about sexual encounters of glamour models, shopping sprees of pop stars or what a celebrities teenage child is wearing. There are far more worthy matters to concern ourselves about.
For this reason I have found that I have resorted to having the news channels as background noise nowadays. My inclination towards fashion has dwindled to a back ground rumble, As my feelings towards social examples is stronger. How can I set any kind of standard if I spend every spare moment finding faults with my own image that I can do little about with out a complete body transplant and a bank balance of a small country. Sure I still like make up and clothes and my hair colour is as variable as the British weather, but sounding off about it is going be as constructive as a sand castle, looks pretty for a while till a wave washes it away and leaves a soggy mess.
Words are a tool by which we can carve better society, the right words to the right people can be inspirational, they can become the fuel to the growth of greater things. They can cut like a knife, create a lifetime wound, or become the light in a darkened tunnel. So this year I am using mine to speak up and hopefully inspire others. If little else I hope they can provide support to others, knowing I have invested the main gift I have , time to share.
From body shaming to public witch hunting, my view on society at the present moment can be only described in the following words, despair, infuriating and complete anger. Harsh words I know, but my relief at the moment is I have no children to raise into this world we live! That said I no feel no less responsible for the example we set the future generations.
What's worse is it doesn't seem to stop there, we have people in power who seem to have studied Victoria society and decided that's a good template to run the country by. I am waiting to hear that work houses are making a come back. As for my thoughts for the poor people flooded over the Christmas season, I am surprised that you can't hear me yelling at the news from down here.
Seriously as an individual and a weakened one at that, I know there is little I can achieve, accept perhaps get my voice and opinions heard. What I can snow ball from that, I don't know, but let's give it a try.lets see if via blogging and social media,, I and hopefully others like me can get the reinstatement of common sense and social standards.
I am not looking to move mountains here, but let's flatten a few mole hills. Now I gave up on new years resolutions a few years back, but there is a time for change and I for one think and believe that time starts now. It can start with the little things for us all, from thinking before we speak to how we react in front of other people and on social media.
There is a reason why newspapers in our house are called kitty litter liners, and doubt I need to spell it out. But that's how much we rate a lot of tabloid journalism here. Don get me wrong, I am new junkie, but the key word is news, I have little respect for stories about sexual encounters of glamour models, shopping sprees of pop stars or what a celebrities teenage child is wearing. There are far more worthy matters to concern ourselves about.
For this reason I have found that I have resorted to having the news channels as background noise nowadays. My inclination towards fashion has dwindled to a back ground rumble, As my feelings towards social examples is stronger. How can I set any kind of standard if I spend every spare moment finding faults with my own image that I can do little about with out a complete body transplant and a bank balance of a small country. Sure I still like make up and clothes and my hair colour is as variable as the British weather, but sounding off about it is going be as constructive as a sand castle, looks pretty for a while till a wave washes it away and leaves a soggy mess.
Words are a tool by which we can carve better society, the right words to the right people can be inspirational, they can become the fuel to the growth of greater things. They can cut like a knife, create a lifetime wound, or become the light in a darkened tunnel. So this year I am using mine to speak up and hopefully inspire others. If little else I hope they can provide support to others, knowing I have invested the main gift I have , time to share.
sod galaxies far far away this shit got real
I let my blog slide thinking the world didn't need just another shouting voice, however over this season of goodwill (cough) I have been appalled at the socially acceptable issue of body shaming and the such I have witnessed.
Now let's get this straight from the start, I have as many issues with my looks as the next woman, be she 18 or 80, unfortunately I think it is genetically programmed in woman in to always look to improve. However that's an internal battle we have, and also the same drive we have to achieve total social equality and what also got us the vote. That said what really made me snap was the seeming acceptability there is in the media to make personal comments on a woman's appearance in regard to ageing. You can probably see where I am going with this now, but who the hell thinks it's right to compare how a woman ages in relation to her Co stars on film. What's more what kind of social example does that send to the viewers of said film.
Just because oh thirty years ago the same said actress happened to wear a bikini in the same series of films, does not make it acceptable to make personal remarks now, all of which I personally think are totally incorrect anyway. All it really does is a, make the reporter involved look like a major graduate in sexism with a side of two dimensional thinking, b, send a bad message out there to any performer of the female sex saying your career is founded on your looks only, and c, raising the business profile of every plastic surgeon everywhere.
In an ideal world everyone would have perfect teeth, be a perfect clothes size etc, and then have nothing to achieve and get bored. But that's not even the worst thing about this, it's the fact that women STILL seemed to be valued by appearance only, not by their intellect or what they achieve. Why is this so, that clothes size is more important than IQ? Have we totally forgotten the likes of Marie Curie, Mother Theresa or and it pains me to so this Margaret Thatcher, women who proved themselves equal if not better to men.
Let's get a few prior straight, a lot of women I know me included refer to make up as war paint for reason, in my house so much so I have a tool box not a vanity case. We use it to deceive people into believing in our camouflage (THINK SAS HERE). While we are on that matter also bearing mind high heels where historically created for men to tower over women, talk about role reversal. In my house if my heels come out for anything other than a ball, they know to run because it means I'm asserting my authority. By the same law of logic the idiot who wrote the article that caused me to go back to blogging ought to be very afraid, as his target is also an accomplished author and script doctor and her words are far sharper that a kitchen knife.
All that's become apparent to me is yes words are sharper than the sword, but be careful where you aim them. Sure they hurt their initial celebrity target, but it's the ripples of self loathing that's created into the masses that's more destructive. Celebrities young or old (and their offspring/partners) are becoming role models for many, whether we like it or not. So ripping into them because of their appearance has a dangerous social affect. By this reasoning reporters who promote body shaming, should be held into account for promotion in eating disorders and worse.
To all the people who have suffered being made a victim of such body shaming, raise your heads up above it, the day of reckoning is soon. Body's are only nature's tool to carry your brain and soul in, they are far more valuable than skin and bone shells. If you are need of proof, I suggest you watch the 1st half of return of the Jedi and see what a women in a bikini did to a space slug ...... Now judge a woman by her cover.
Now let's get this straight from the start, I have as many issues with my looks as the next woman, be she 18 or 80, unfortunately I think it is genetically programmed in woman in to always look to improve. However that's an internal battle we have, and also the same drive we have to achieve total social equality and what also got us the vote. That said what really made me snap was the seeming acceptability there is in the media to make personal comments on a woman's appearance in regard to ageing. You can probably see where I am going with this now, but who the hell thinks it's right to compare how a woman ages in relation to her Co stars on film. What's more what kind of social example does that send to the viewers of said film.
Just because oh thirty years ago the same said actress happened to wear a bikini in the same series of films, does not make it acceptable to make personal remarks now, all of which I personally think are totally incorrect anyway. All it really does is a, make the reporter involved look like a major graduate in sexism with a side of two dimensional thinking, b, send a bad message out there to any performer of the female sex saying your career is founded on your looks only, and c, raising the business profile of every plastic surgeon everywhere.
In an ideal world everyone would have perfect teeth, be a perfect clothes size etc, and then have nothing to achieve and get bored. But that's not even the worst thing about this, it's the fact that women STILL seemed to be valued by appearance only, not by their intellect or what they achieve. Why is this so, that clothes size is more important than IQ? Have we totally forgotten the likes of Marie Curie, Mother Theresa or and it pains me to so this Margaret Thatcher, women who proved themselves equal if not better to men.
Let's get a few prior straight, a lot of women I know me included refer to make up as war paint for reason, in my house so much so I have a tool box not a vanity case. We use it to deceive people into believing in our camouflage (THINK SAS HERE). While we are on that matter also bearing mind high heels where historically created for men to tower over women, talk about role reversal. In my house if my heels come out for anything other than a ball, they know to run because it means I'm asserting my authority. By the same law of logic the idiot who wrote the article that caused me to go back to blogging ought to be very afraid, as his target is also an accomplished author and script doctor and her words are far sharper that a kitchen knife.
All that's become apparent to me is yes words are sharper than the sword, but be careful where you aim them. Sure they hurt their initial celebrity target, but it's the ripples of self loathing that's created into the masses that's more destructive. Celebrities young or old (and their offspring/partners) are becoming role models for many, whether we like it or not. So ripping into them because of their appearance has a dangerous social affect. By this reasoning reporters who promote body shaming, should be held into account for promotion in eating disorders and worse.
To all the people who have suffered being made a victim of such body shaming, raise your heads up above it, the day of reckoning is soon. Body's are only nature's tool to carry your brain and soul in, they are far more valuable than skin and bone shells. If you are need of proof, I suggest you watch the 1st half of return of the Jedi and see what a women in a bikini did to a space slug ...... Now judge a woman by her cover.
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