Boys and their toys

This is one of those random blogs that has been churning in the back of my mind for a while. So I finally decided to just put it out there. I am only writing this from the female view, as guess what I am, but it is applicable to either sex. Nor am I making any assumptions regarding gender and hobby type.

I say that because the original idea of this post came from a comment made by Jay Leno on the now defunct version or of Top Gear, that he had only one wife and 150 +  cars. He went on to say this was because he went home smelling of transmission fluid rather than cheap perfume. It got me thinking, whether it be cars, train sets, gardening or even ballroom dancing, in the past men and women have always had their own identity apart from the relationship or marriage they were in. Whether they participated alone or together was a personal choice, but these activities were a strong part of the persons identity.

I give for example my grandparents, my grandad was not just a keen and skilled musician, and carpenter, he also ballroom danced to competitive level with my grandmother and ice dance with his sister to similar level. On top of working very hard pre, during and post war. He was home when needed and active in the raising of his children. My grandmother also worked in her own right, yet she wrote poetry, was skilled in needlework, musical and incredibly well read. They had hobbies on top of all their day to day life and a marriage that last well beyond my grandmothers death, as my grand dad never remarried despite having offers. This idea of multiple hobbies was common those days, and for some reason two generations later I am living proof it continues. But for a lot of people those days are gone.

If they finish work they either hit the bar, head to the gym or slump in front of the TV, and end their day that way. Claiming they have no time or energy to do more. But is that the truth, or just the change in social expectations. More frightening is it this mundane existence that is leading to the social decline of the family was we know it, and even the health issues our dear government keeps highlighting. Gone are the days when a family would happily go to a child's recital just to enjoy it, now it's all what standard are they at, how they have improved and will it get them the kudos required for their level of education. A partner will justify their need to attend after work drinks, to keep in the playing of promotion etc. When all they are really doing is damaging their health and possibly heading dangerously into the mine field of work related affairs.

The idea of doing something regularly for fun or interest seems ,to be a forgotten art that society no longer has time for. Now I am not saying we need to return to Victorian times where women chatter and swoon and men retire for cigars and brandy, but there are values we do need to re asses. The dependence of technology to entertain us is really quite scary both mentally and physically. Office status can be reliant on know what happened on the latest reality show last night, rather than something that happened in the real world. This was a pattern I noticed when I was stuck in the office rat race.  Often being ostracised from work interaction because I had no clue what TOWIE was, or the fact I had no intention of getting drunk after work as I would rather spend the time indulging in my own choice of past times.

Now I am not saying my life is perfect, in fact  from it as my husband and I are on two different ends of this spectrum. For him a power cut causes tantrums as he can't watch his precious sport, when in reality it would do his health a great deal of benefit if he stopped 2 aching  and started playing some. We are also suffering the constant  suspicions of what the other is up to as  there is no mutual ground of hobby enjoyment. Which is probably this post has been at the back of my mind for a long time.  My husband has no understanding or interest of n watching a play, going to gallery or even watching motor sports in a muddy wet field. To be  honest 6 have had a battle to get him to go to a museum with me later in the week and he was only moved by the temptation of a meal out.

This lack of wanting to see more do more for the fun of it baffles me, as it is great to bring something fresh to talk about within the family. Which then raises the question do families really talk any more? So the circle continues and we become less and less human and more and more robotic. If we become this devoid of emotional outlets we can find in hobbies and activities, adultery and family breakdown are going to be more and more common till we reach a point of social implosion.

Where as I am at a crossroads in my own life, I do know I would rather I had a partner who came home smelling of oil, or turps,  covered in mud from gardening or callouses on their fingers from  practising an instrument, than one who smells of the latest wine bar or worse some one else's cheap perfume. Maybe it's I time we slow down this great social revolution,  and remember to reclaim what makes each one of us... us.