I blogged to early, the dull pain and lack of payback was an illusion and me as a chump believed it. In an attempt to reclaim some of my life back I attempted to walk from front room to back on a biscuit hunt, sans sticks. Mainly because I thought I didn't need them on such a short hop and also because of mud an animals both sets need a wash down with disinfectant. All was going well till I attempted the return journey and my back gave up and I was back to the 45 degree bend from my waist accompanied by the acute pain.
Like the thorns on the rose its the sharp reminder in the euphoric feeling of freedom. I guess any hope of getting stick free in the foreseeable future is not a realistic one. Which is a bit of let down, to say the least. I was hoping that the fact I was free of the acute pain, for a morning meant there was a chance of an easy reprieve or even it may ease off naturally, like a nightmare that fades in the morning. But in reality I was refusing to accept the fact that this time it isn't just going to go away like the back issues in the past. That's the hardest part thing to accept that this is going to take a chunk of my year and serious medical attention, to retrieve any possibility of having a normal type life. And even that isn't guaranteed, work regarding spinal issues is still in its infancy and any operation is still high risk, and now I have to accept that's the direction I have to go.
On the day to day front it means Thursdays outing is going to be every bit as hard as yesterdays, if not more as its 3 times as long. Not that I will allow that to stop me, there is nothing on earth that will prevent me from going and cheering our equestrian team on. Like I said I know it will cause a duvet day after. But it does mean we are going to re plan the route we are going have to go. This is because TFL don't believe in disabled access at every train station. Both my local stations have stairs that are down right impossible on crutches. Which means I have to persuade husband dearest to drive me to one of the other more suitable. It also means that the station I go from is not necessarily the one we will be able to return to as some stations have one side disabled access but not the other. Then it is pure guess work at the other end. So this could be a painfully slow journey which is on a fine time deadline.
So for the foreseeable future, thats the world I have to livein, the world the disabled are forced to live in. Where journeys have to be planned in accordance with the limited facilties available on the transport system. It is less limiting in parts of central london, but if you live in the 'burbs' or beyond its hit and miss if there are facilities available to you on public transport, which means you are reliant on driving if you can or taxis if you can afford. Whats worse is I have just heard it is a mission to get a blue badge in our borough. Apaarently even having mobilty issued DLA you aren't excused from the boroughs own medical assesment.. To make a mockery of it, I have been told that the assesment centre in in the deepest bowels of a building and one of the tests is if you can get to it you don't need a badge. It is not right that one person has to go several different medicals with different agencies just to get different parts of their entitlement. You can be given a car from your DLA for poor mobility, but rejected from a blue badge. Bur thats the crazy world I am now faced with.
Anyway whilst I get my head round all this and learn to accept the fact it isn't going to to be a quick fix. Till then I see what tomorrow holds and hope the pain will subside enough to get some sleep.
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Please feel free to leave a comment or add to this. Its only my thoughts on life. I just raise the questions in my mind.