I am some where close to screaming here, not through pain but through total bureaucracy. I am now a prisoner of the welfare system as previously documented, and unable to work till my consultant says otherwise, unless of course the welfare doctor totally disagrees with him.
So you can imagine my total frustration when I keep getting phone calls offering me work, especially as for 3 months prior to my backs total collapse I had been job hunting. Now all I am getting is offers of work till they come out my ears and I can't take any of them. Whats the bets that when I am finally ready to work I won't get a single call.
It is the well know syndrome called sods law in this house. When you need some thing it isn't around when you don't you drown in it. At the moment it is getting really tiresome as the thing I want the most is to Be up to being in work. earning my own money. Every calls is actually knocking me further down into a form of depression, because mentally I can do the job, but physically I can't manage the day to day trug into work or the sitting down for hours in a chair without needing to lie flat for half an hour to relax the spasms.
Every heard the saying the mind is willing but the flesh is weak, that's me. If I could block all these calls till the end of the month when I know more I cheerfully would, but I can't and whats worse is companies I have told wait till the beginning of November, don't they phone weekly or even more often. At the rate they are calling at I could have been employed 20 times over. But then is that the life I want to return to either? Do I want to remain in an office all my life.
The answer is a blatant no, I want more, I want to make my writing my life, but whether I can time will be the only judge. I have the talent and the academic side is almost finished, but would any one take the gamble? Become a newbie at 40 is a big leap,but if I get the option that's the leap I will make. In the mean time yes if I can I will return to the office. Won't stop my dreams and might stop the phone calls.
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Please feel free to leave a comment or add to this. Its only my thoughts on life. I just raise the questions in my mind.