Just another filling

So it was yet another patch up job on my teeth again. I am beginning to wonder how much more patching up can be done to my body. If I was a car I would surely be on the scrap heap with all the usable parts recycled.

I have torn just about every ligament in my feet and legs up to my knees possible, broken both wrists so the total is 7 times. Had inner and middle ear removal and some parts replaced. Fractured vertebrae in my back, broken numerous toes and fingers, over extended my shoulder muscles to the point one more time will equal surgery. Damaged done to my teeth from various medication is so bad I don't have one unrepaired or replace of the half remaining. Got hypoglycemia and low iron reserves that both run on a fine balancing acts, sticky blood syndrome and have enough allergies to list in their own book. If I was put up for sale no one would take a second look and if I were a pet I wouldn't be allowed to suffer any longer. 

So why as a human do I have this inexplicable drive to keep fighting to live. If we were the process of evolution as Darwin wrote, would I have not been driven out the pack to fade and die, or like other animals be either killed by my own tribe or a predator. I am not saying this in some morose and pessimistic fashion but as a debatable question. Animals don't fear death in the way we humans do, but I truly doubt that's because we have a higher level of consciousness. It that were the case we could have broken the language barriers between man and animal. Yet we read endless stories of dolphins defending man from other sea predators like sharks, why? what exactly have we done for them? except lock them in zoos to perform for us humans and depopulate them by our over fishing. So why in heavens name do they risk life and flipper for us? Based on that question I would say they have the higher consciousness as they are selfless.

Only in the last 15 years have we learned to adapt human medication to the animal kingdom with any great sucess, there are artifical limbs for cats and dogs and actually flippers and fins for dolphins. We have now got drugs for diabetes, and heart conditions for our loveable pets, and they can even do kidney transplants, although I am actually not sure about that idea.

In fact I am not entirly happy with transplants of any kind. And before every one goes mad at me please hear me out.I am not saying all transplants should be banned, but they should be personal choice, and come with a warning. The warning should read something like this, this transplant comes with no liability for any persona;ity change. I say this because I have had had skin and bone grafts from others and they did affect my personality ok mildly but there was a big enough change for people to notice. I can't have done it myself as it took 3 years for me to get the truth out of the doctors about the whole operation and no one knew I had a strangers graft. Now if that can happen on a a tissue graft what can a whole new organ do to a person? I know I won't donate organs purely because my own dna has been damaged and my gene pool is so weak I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. So I don't see what I choose as a selfish act in fact the oposite as I am such a biological mess it would be wrong to mix it with someone else. That said there are people with strong genes who can with clear conciousness donate to those in need, and in those cases yes if you want to do it. But its not for me, in the same way I don't think I could accept an organ as I am robbing it from some one who will probably make better use to it.

In the same respect I am now getting very concerned about the amount of patch up work done on me. I am already agaist the idea of having a metal cage put in my spine if its a disc thats blown , purely because I am starting to react agaist the pins put in my teeth when I have a cap put in my mouth. That is a tiny pin to replace the nerve in my tooth root yet for days the iching is insane and it can flare up again at any time. If thats how my body is reacting to a small alien object in my mouth what the heck is going to be the outcome of a piece of metal the size of a golf ball in me?

So yes today I have had just another filling to everyone else and at least a night of itching and throbbing for me.