Tomorrow is D day

Well actually its P day, pain clinic assessment day, and I am dreading it. I have no idea what I am walking into. Although my physio has already given me my possible options, none of us know what they deem suitable for me. Whether I am going have all my medication turned on its head just as I am getting used to it. Or whether I am going to be U turned to spinal clinic and the surgical option.

There have been may discussions about the various options I can have like which different substance can be injected into my spine. And even if I meet the criteria for them there is no guarantee I will get actual treatment this time. If I am honest the stress is showing in everyone in the house, had it not been for last nights out wearing every one out I think we would be at each others throats. As it is any irrelevant question is getting a short sharp retort.

I am meant to be having an early night so I can get up early and be at the hospital in time to find the clinic, as it is my stomach has gone into washing machine mode, with all the revolting affects food won't stay in me. It is the uncertainty of what could happen , there are way to many variables in this situation for my liking, from the possibility of getting me back to my old life to destroying any chances of that ever happening again. I don't like that many variables I like straight yes no options.

The only good side to tomorrow is the fact I had the sense to book an appointment with my GP in the afternoon so I can discuss with him what has gone on and see what he thinks about the occurrence's earlier in the day and getting his input. This may sound weird to other people but I have limits on what I am prepared to put my body through based on past experiences with operations and the knowledge I have about my own conditions. I am not going to accept surgery for surgery's sake, I would rather have a life limited to crutches than risk ending up in a wheel chair because someone didn't think opening me up would do any harm.

So here goes I am off to try and get some rest and see what the day holds, its going to be a long night.