silence would be golden

Oh how I wish I was back in the countryside, in a place without sirens and air planes rattling my head at night. Yes I am writing this early in the night, but for the first time in weeks every one bar me in this house is tucked up in bed for early nights, so I am left alone with the animals all of whom are as nocturnal as I. So what do I notice?

I tell you what I notice, there is a constant hum of background traffic, this is Wednesday night, so reason for the world to be out celebrating the weekend. At regular intervals there is a flight heading to places far, then there is the regular blast of sirens. Once you get past all that racket, there is the squeaking of a dog dreaming of his bone and the odd hiss as one cat is jealous of another corner or table space. Behind all that noise with the TV turned off I finally hear wind more suited to mid November and the sound of a heavy down pour of autumn rain.

But even if I returned to the countryside this wouldn't improve vastly as there is always the sounds of nature and now a days the background noise of the roads so happily carved through our gloriously green land. And now in every house there is the constant buzz of electronics in the house, your PC, fridge, freezers and so on. Our white goods are responsible of the majority of the white noise as it is now called. this white noise is so great that if we were actually able to time travel as much as we would pass out by the smell in Tudor times some one from then would burst their ear drums on arrival from the constant noise. that's how much the day to day noise has increased in what 500 years. I am sure in the those days you had less migraines as well, as I am convinced that white noise and migraines have a direct link to one another.

However if you think about it, is that such a thing as natural silence? or is there always background noise, like in the Artic there is the sounds of winds and ice cracking, in the desert again there is the wind and the odd bug or snake, and the sand moving. There is no such thing as true silence except in man made conditions. Hence man struggles to process it, and in some wars it was used as a form of torture. Silence is natural as utopia is a achievable, yet we all hope to find both at times in our lives. Hence the saying silence is golden, it is as it is unachievable, and unlivable.

The strangest thing I have found is since my last few big ear operations where I lost a chunk of my hearing I can no longer sleep with out noise of TV or radio. Much as I want the peace and quiet, when I attempt to fall asleep my body panics and goes into night terrors. Its a nightmare when I room share with friends as they have to put up with that unbearable racket of night time TV. Everyone in this house has tried to cure me of this habit, but every time they turn it off I wake up, heck I wake up when the channel I leave it on turns off at the end of its broadcasting. My body is that desperate for sounds, and whats more if I leave it on the news I find I am still absorbing it, which isn't good as it means I not fully asleep at any time. yet I am not constantly tired, even the doctors when I am in hospital can seem to explain it, they used to insist I slept in silence especially after an ear operation, and what they found was I couldn't, unless they used the highest dose of sleep medication, and even then the sleep would be fitful and restless. I would wake more tired and usually having done GBH to a nurse or someone in my sleep as they try to keep me within the confines of my bed. So is this how the human race is evolving or am I just a freak of nature, I don't know.

All I know is in my daydreams I seek silence and peace, where as in my reality those two things don't go together at all. Silence may be golden in principle but in reality it is a quest to seek the impossible. Its a funny world really, we seek the unachievable and dream for the unlivable, what we achieve in this life though, that's the real miracle.